The first steps of a little girl - end - the great trauma

The first big scare, came in an unexpected situation and from this fact I had a gay trauma and spent years without relating to men. I had completed puberty, my hormones were pronounced more vigorously, my body was more masculine, hair grew, voice became hoarse, etc.. and if on the one hand I could no longer dress as a girl and go unnoticed on the street, on the other hand I was still beautiful and successful with the girls. I decided to cut my hair short for the first time in my life and I felt good like this, the girls approved and I was living my most dating phase. I was invited to a birthday party of a classmate, I got all dressed up and went. The party was far from my house, the whole class was there, having fun and I was distracted by the time. The friend's house was far from the bus stop, it was already 00:30 and the last bus was about to pass on the main avenue, I ran to the point but it had already passed. I didn't know what to do, I didn't have money to pay for a taxi, I didn't know if I would come back to try some ride with one of my classmates, but at that time there were not many people at the party and I knew that no one lived near my house. I decided to walk down the avenue to my house and who knows if some bus might be late, and in the worst case it would be a long walk (15 km), but the night was cool, I had a comfortable sneaker and followed ahead. After a few minutes of walking, a guy came by in a car offering to give me a ride, I looked at him and he had red eyes, a strange guy and I refused, but shortly after he came back and insisted on the ride, I was even more intrigued by the guy, I refused again and he pointed a gun at me and told me to get in the car. It was a secluded stretch, it was past a school and there was only a giant wall, that closed wall, I had nowhere to run or hide and, without alternative, I got in the motherfucker's car. As soon as I got in the car he put the gun in the door tray and told me to be quiet, that he was not a bandit, blah, blah, blah, that he only did it because I was resisting, that he just wanted to be my friend, and all that soft talk. He asked me where I lived and I said the neighborhood and a reference, without giving the exact address and was driving slowly down the avenue. He was trying to pull paper, asking where I came from, where I studied and obviously passed false information, while he said that he worked in a large company in the area and that if I became his friend, he could pick me up from school in a car, buy clothes and shoes for me, take me to snacks, etc ... but my desire was to have him stick his tennis shoe in the eye of the ass, but with fear and was very minimal and spoke as much as possible. Returning to the sad episode, he arrived near a deserted square, stopped the car and began to smooth my cock over my pants, tried to kiss me with that disgusting beard rubbing on my face and told me to open my pants to suck my cock. He fell on his mouth, put cock, bag everything in his mouth, sucked hard and I just felt disgust of that guy. In the state of nervousness that I was and by the repulsion that I felt for him, it was impossible to get an erection and enjoy, as much as I wanted to satisfy him to try to end it soon. He was getting angry and I am getting his attitudes I tried to explain that I was very nervous, etc.. He got off on me and I thought he was going to release me, but then he told me to solve suck his cock; "If you can't stand up straight, then go suck my dick, you pervert!" He unzipped his trousers and I flashed a little, but he pulled my head and rubbed my face on his groin, and I had no choice but to start sucking his stinky dick, and the FDP started cursing and humiliating me; "You know how to suck a dick, you're such a jerk!" I was just trying to focus on the blow job and get it over with, but when I went off on the blow job to try to make him laugh, he realized my experience and kept humiliating me; "I thought you were a man, and you're a little bitch who sucks dick! You've got to take care of everybody in the school, you pervert!" The FDP was drunk or on drugs I do not know, for my desperation he did not immediately mock who knows I was released, but no matter how much I sucked his dick it was half a bomb until he told me to get out of the car and turn around to his door. I thought he would release me, but he put me on my back in the car, lowered my pants, brushed the stick on my ass and put it in my ass, continued humiliating in the middle of the square; You little bitch, you got in easy, that ass has taken a lot of roll, hasn't it? "I bet everyone at school has eaten that ass, you pervert!" He squeezed me against the car, forced my head against the roof of the vehicle and continued to fuck hard, cursing me, until finally he mocked, took his dick out of my ass and made me kneel and suck to clean his dick and then pissed on me, laughing as he urinated on my face, on my body, wet me all over. The FDP still pushed me, kicked me and then sent me walking out without looking back. I obeyed and walked out, while he followed me slowly in the car, but I turned in a street that was the opposite and he left, and despite the relief I was devastated, feeling like garbage, I took off my shirt wet with urine, I tried to find a clean part to pass on my face and I walked home crying with hatred, on a long walk reflecting on what had happened, on how humiliating and dangerous this gay universe could be. At home, I checked that everyone was asleep and didn't want to attract attention, so I put the wet clothes in a bucket, cleaned myself up, and tried to go to sleep without anyone noticing. In the morning, my mother asked me why I had put the wet clothes on, and I lied that I had poured soda and hot dog tomato sauce on the clothes, and I put the wet clothes on so they wouldn't dry and stain, and she swallowed the excuse. I tried to lead a normal life, but this trauma plagued me daily for a long time, especially in situations where I saw a car just like his approaching in empty spaces. I never told anyone about this, and I spent years not wanting to know about fucking men, content to enjoy my hard-on in the kitchen in "solo" mode, wearing Nathalia's or my mother's lingerie and playing with some object on my bottom. I dedicated myself to the girls, had several girlfriends, had pleasure with a few women, and only came back to have other experiences with men in adult life, but I'll tell you about that later.