Submissive to some, dominating others

First of all it is necessary to say that the subject of BDSM is the most instigating because it is complex and has a very, very peculiar philosophy. I do not consider myself submissive or dominant, because it is not just about that, it involves more things. It involves affection, feelings, trust and respect. To surrender to someone as BDSM foresees, the person must first focus on conquering the person first and not "the character". You should focus on that. The same for the dominant, before being, you should show yourself as you are in the "world of vanilla" and then show your true self within the routine. I don't see myself practicing BDSM for a lifetime, or having a long-term relationship within that philosophy. I find it complex because people simply don't put themselves in the way that I think they should in that environment - including myself, so I don't see myself in that. But it's that same philosophy that draws my attention in certain ways. In how people can dare to draw attention and try to win us over. I once met a man who had an extraordinary personality. I'm not saying he was an ogre, or a talkative person. No, definitely not. But he was a person who could say it once and you knew it was going to happen. And there's no point in trying to get that out of someone's head. The person wants to and does. And he only did that because he first earned my trust and respect and made me understand that he would recognize my limitations and from there lead me into the universe of submission. Consensually we talked about what we wanted from each other, and over time, knowing the details, it provoked him a lot to test some of the limits that he put on the relationship. An example was when I went bikini to a club with him. The bikini was too small and he had said that he would not agree to something like that (and consented to this control over my clothes in general, I liked this control), but I did a pirate and learned that a dominant cannot be disobeyed in such a sordid way. I got a good slap on the butt, to leave my buttocks red. And the next day he ordered me to go to the club with the same bikini. I never wanted to disobey him for a pirate. But I exaggerated with such a practice and "offensive" coil. We got to the point where we could tell if he was having a good day or a bad day just by the way he looked at me when he visited my house. When he was having a bad day, he would just put me down, take his dick out and suck it till it sucked out his milk. Then I'd offer him a bath, and as soon as he opened the bathroom door, there I was on all fours, wearing beautiful lingerie, offering the cook to make his day better. But it was up to him to eat me or not. I get excited about that to this day. When the day was good, he was his lady of the house, he made a good meal, kept everything spotless, and then, after all, he would parade around wearing sexy lingerie to provoke him to the point of eating me. It was good. It was hot. He read my mind and his taste, even from a distance. And I knew that he was thinking about me the whole time, even from a distance, first to wake me up, then to conquer me. On the other hand, I've also met a submissive man. Handsome, by the way. A person that anyone else would say would never agree to wear a chastity belt, lick feet or be satisfied with just sucking his dominant until she delights. And that's what excited me the most about him. On the street, a handsome man, who took care of me and gave me security. Between four walls he begged to serve me. He took a manicure course to keep my nails always clean, he loved to clean my house and leave everything ready so that when I arrived I had nothing to do but to paparize him. And he loved to make him suck my cock by asking him to fuck me hard, but keeping his little cock locked in chastity. I even had fun with him, but with his hands and body so that I could control the movements and penetration, so that he could simply expose himself to me or I would leave him there until I got tired and I would fall mad with a stick. In these adventures I've learned that even though I'm not interested in relationships with anyone in the BDSM environment, a good submissive instigates my dominant side and a good dominant instigates my submissive side a lot, and when there's patience, respect and trust... but the problem with all of this is that after a while, I don't want to be just a submissive or a dominant, I want to be myself, and my everyday self doesn't have a lot of courage to be in the BDSM. Now, that instigates and makes me horny, ahh lets. ------ and PS - I'm talking about BDSM, not bestiality or anything that is harmful to one of the parties involved. The name of this is aggression and it has nothing to do with BDSM. To be good for everyone, there must be respect, trust and, most importantly, everyone must consent with an understanding of what is about to happen. Kiss of confusion