I feel like hanging out with girls.

My name is Elisângela, 53 years old. I'm 1.60 meters tall and weigh 67.0 kilograms with green eyes, medium breasts, wide hips, thick thighs, hair up to the shoulders smooth and blond. For my age I am fine. I always took care of myself. My husband Juca is 57. We have been married for 35 years. We got married early; he was my first husband. We have four children: Paulo (31), Rodoval (29), Marcela (27), and Daniela (21). Daniela is studying Pedagogy at a university here in our city, the great São Paulo. We are evangelicals. Since childhood I regularly participate in evangelistic work, worship services and lectures. There are temples of our church in other countries. For reasons of discretion, I prefer not to mention the name of the church where we congregate and apologise for hiding my real name as well as from members of my family.
I wasn't a woman who cared about my own pleasure. It was the idea of serving my husband. He always sought me in bed and satisfied his sexual desire. He gave me, according to his vision of life, love and affection. I can not complain! I didn't know myself so it did not feel like missing. The same thing for those who do not fly on airplanes. Doesn't miss. We don't have anal sex. This is against our principles. Let's go to my story.
At home, we've had cable TV for thirteen years and in the four years since then, we have a complete package that includes explicit sex channels. It was Sunday afternoon, I was getting dressed to go to church at our house of worship; as is my custom, I turned on the television while dressing myself up. I was switching stations and inadvertently flipped through six sexual channels: one showed an explicit film depicting love between women which I never saw before. They sucked on their breasts... then the rest of their bodies! Even their vagina. (I'll use this name to designate a female sexual organ.) They stuck out their tongues and smiled, they were delirious with pleasure. There was an air of ecstasy - voluptuousness! Their bodies were very beautiful. They were graceful; they had long hair that was well-groomed. Their mouths were fleshy and left lipstick marks. Big boobs, thin waists, boned buttocks, wide hips and firm thighs. Naked. Loving each other in bed. No hurry or wild movements like so many cartoon movies have done. It wasn't a way of making love. There were touches, caresses and a lot of seduction between the two. They seemed to really enjoy what they were doing. The sensuality among them became clear in the scene. I wanted to continue watching the film but had to go out for worship. I'd just finished bathing myself but a lake of pleasure was taking care of my little girl. My thoughts were the images that I had seen. My husband waited for me in the car with my young daughter. We went to church and ended that day.
I couldn't stop thinking about them. Why did two beautiful, sweet girls in the prime of their lives decide to make explicit sex movies? Was it just for money? No...I was already sure that wasn't so! That scene showed a lot more than their professionalism. It showed me that what they were doing was fun and also from God even if it was pornographic film (the scene is part of a plot of love and pleasure between women). They only expressed one form of human love. Some of them would express repulsion, disagreement, indifference... others would express sympathy, curiosity and even a desire to be in their midst. (Like me <unk> laughter) So that's life. If everyone liked blue, what about green?
What I felt was the opposite of what I thought was right in life. For me, one male and one female were right -- that's a traditional family figure -- but nowadays, I know there are more than just families made up of one man, woman and children; we have traditionally composite households and same-sex ones: two men or two women with children, whether legitimate or adopted. The world is constantly changing. But coming back to my subject matter, I was fascinated by how they loved each other on film. I know it's a work of fiction, but many films show realities that we often hesitate to believe.
I want to feel what they felt, even if it's the last second of my life.
For the past four years, I've been watching lesbian movies. It charms me. It excites me. I feel comfortable watching them. I have found that most films do not pass on the same sensuality of this unforgettable scene! Many go through a wild air or rather sex for sex. These I discard. But when you watch a good lesbian movie, ecstasy transcends our ability to perceive it is very strong !
I began to have dreams of women whose faces I never see, only their beautiful bodies. They are young and excite me too much. I feel their tongues running down my body from head to foot; they come in and out of me with incredible naturalness. I touch their bodies and feel my little girl tremble. The kisses are a stupendous delicacy! Their lips are fleshy and the languages artistic. My fingernails scratch at my skin causing subtle marks. But it's just wishful thinking.
In the church, I began to notice young women. Each one more graceful than the other: girls between 18 and 22 years old; my favorites! Made for love. Without them realizing it, I desire them (I always keep a discreet posture because I know their families) I could be an aunt or grandmother of any of them. These girls are always kissing me on the face and giving me affectionate hugs. Their scents stay in my clothes. Sweet perfumes made from wood that you like to preserve in your memory.
I needed to open up with someone. Who? In church? No way. Even though we have study groups that teach women how to know their own bodies, it's all about the encounter between him and her. My husband, my girlfriends, sisters and relatives?
She was in her third year, and she'd been working on a thesis for the famous TCC. Her topic was "Homosexuality within Schools". I caught her reading homosexual texts and seeing pictures of women together online.
- What are you doing, my child?
Dani naturally replied:
- I'm researching to develop my TCC, Mom.
I went on:
- But watching sex on the Internet?
Dani looked at me like I was a creature from another planet:
- Mom, my subject is homosexuality!
I said:
- And you like your subject?
I 'm sorry .
- Mom, it's not a matter of whether you like it or not but this is an issue in our world and just means that there are variations on the development of sexuality.
I walked out of her room and thought, "My God, my daughter was so natural in explaining this to me -- very different from the terrorism that my parents were doing".
I started masturbating by looking at scenes of women having sex, thinking about some girl from the church or even my maid's daughter.
Her name is Rosana, 19 years old. She's white and soft-skinned with a smooth face that looks like an angel. I caught her in my suite once; she was helping her mommy washing the bathroom for me. Her long skirt got wet. I made up all sorts of stuff to stay in the bathroom with her. There were moments when I could see right through her wonderful butt swallowing those blue cotton panties. Her little underpants! How delicious! That round, white, soft ass that swayed at every scrub; I noticed her breasts wanting to jump out from beneath the white shirt; her dark, wavy hair stuck on a beautiful ponytail; whenever she turned around and smiled at things I said, it would make me wet. My breasts got excited. My panties wet! I pictured her sucking me and shoving her cunning tongue inside of me, smiling at me, caressing my neck and licking my ears, nipples and sliding her tongue all over my body; wanting to squat behind her and smell her butt, pull that underwear aside and sink between her lips, limber myself - what would it taste or smell like? To this day, I ask myself the same question: As soon as she was done with work and closed my suite door, I masturbated (it's so fun thinking about her).
Six months ago, my daughter saw that I was interested in her CBT and asked me:
- Mom, have you ever been with a woman?
I was drinking water and choking, my heart felt like it wanted to go out.
Of course not, but what is it?
Dani immediately replied:
Mom, what a nerve!
I returned the question:
- And you, my daughter... have you ever been with a woman?
Dani naturally said to me:
- No, not yet.
I was amazed. A silence came over the place.
I noticed that she continued to do her work. Then we talked about it again and I decided to open my heart, because I did not have the courage to tell a friend in church and much less my religious husband. I needed to vent with someone. I could no longer bear this anguish inside me.
- Mom... you're already a grandmother and have never done what you really wanted to do here on Earth? You followed the commandments of God, but did not listen to your inner voice.
Those words were like a sword in my heart! Tears fell from my eyes and I saw my whole life inside the church passing away within seconds. My daughter was right about much of what she told me. Dani continued:
- Mom... it's always time to start over. I can't promise anything, but I will find some girl to fulfill your most secret dreams. Dad doesn't need to know. It'll be our secret.
I smiled. Dani laughed, also crying. We hugged each other! It was a relief to share my daydreams with someone; I wasn't alone. My daughter would help me.
My difficulty is approaching a girl to sing it. I'm afraid of being rejected. They see me as an aunt or friend. I am 53 years old and want to be with a 18-22 year-old woman in order to fulfill my feminine dreams. I don't know, but maybe she will just accept seeing two girls touching each other live. I will masturbate. (Laughter) I do not want to expose myself by looking on the Internet or at nightclubs. I want to taste a woman's body in my arms, if only for a few moments.
Lord... forgive me, but I don't want to leave Earth without tasting some of your artwork.
To wrap up this story, five months ago I bought a vibrator that's shaped like lipstick. It goes in my purse -- delicious! My daughter helped me buy it online with absolute security and confidentiality; discreet packaging.
Yesterday, I was in the parking lot of a shopping mall here in my hometown. I always keep an eye out for 18- to 22-year-old girls. It's 8:00 p.m., and I am leaving the mall. I got into my car. There is this little group of young women talking and smiling on the front doorstep. I picked up my vibrator and started to play with my little girl, looking at them. My car has a film on the windows that makes it discreet. I slammed down the doors. I pulled up my skirt and lowered my panties all the way to the cinnamon buns. I pushed my seat backwards. I unclenched my legs. I switched on the vibrator and began passing it over my wet baby doll. I imagined myself between one of their legs licking her and feeling its juice doing what girls do in movies. If they taste the same as mine, fine! The kisses and smells of their bodies seemed divine. (My vibrator was going in and out of my pussy caressing my clitoris!) Wow... Contractions on my vagina were increasing. My hips twitched against the seat of the car. It bit my lower lips. My breasts appeared to double in size. A warmth swept through my body and took over the environment by clouding the windows. One girl stooped down to pick up her lighter that had fallen off. She didn't even notice it but I could see her panties. White and hollow! How nice it is to have an orgasm! I closed my legs and squeezed the vibrator in between them. My neck was leaning against the back of the bench, my eyes were shut.
The girls came into the mall after smoking their cigarettes and leaving lipstick marks on them. I was soaked! Anesthetized in my car. It seemed to be overcast. I took out my vibrator and turned it off, sucked it up and put it in my purse, switched on the air conditioner, opened a window sash, polished my seat, pulled down my panties, checked my skirt and adjusted my make-up in front of the mirror. Fifteen minutes later, I drove for a meeting at church.
My daughter is helping me look for a girl, and when I or even my daughter have any news...
Guys, that's it for today.