The Story of Betinha - Part 05

Well, that's the most painful part of my story. I was all grown up and I was at the end of my relationship with Anderson. Anderson had told me that he would have to move in the next few months with his mother to the state where his father lived. I don't remember exactly, but I think his parents were fighting back. Although Anderson worked in a bicycle shop, he also used and sold small portions of marijuana, and it was in this relationship that I tried marijuana, but I didn't like it very much, and I only used the board when Anderson smoked. Our relationship was going well, after we rearranged various positions, now with the penetration happening, and at this time, I started doing research and I knew that I should seek to use female hormones to change my body, but a terrible event changed my perspective. Behind the school there was a vacant lot, before the barracks that came after the creek. In this lot few people came and I had given Anderson there about three times. In the first I was very afraid that someone would come, but in the second and third I was already familiar with the environment. We called the place "love cave" and we took a base for Anderson to smoke. We hadn't been to the "love cave" in a long time, and one weekend Anderson told me that he wanted to go there, but this day Anderson was strange and his speech had something unusual. I felt something different, but I ignored it. I went home and made the ritual bath, hose, shorts with panties and a lipstick in my pocket to pass as soon as I entered the "love cave". At the entrance to the field behind the school, Anderson was waiting for me, and I smiled at him, and I started to shake my hip, but this time he didn't smile back, and he didn't even look at me directly, and I followed him to the Cave, and when we got there, I pulled down my shorts, and I was in my underwear, and I started to put on my lipstick, and I was shocked when three men came in, and they looked like they were in their 40s or 50s, all very tall, and the biggest of them started to say, "What a cute little thing". I quickly lifted my shorts, looked at Anderson (who was looking elsewhere) and then looked for an exit in which I could run. One of the men jumped on me and we fell to the ground. I heard one of them say "run not a stranger, run not". Another laughed and said "today you will have a real man". I began to hope, one covered my mouth and another tore my panties (the one that Anderson had given me). In that confusion I took a punch and felt one of them forcefully open my legs and began to penetrate me. They poured some liquid into my anus and began to penetrate me forcefully. It hurt very, very much... I began to cry and hope. While one ate me, another held me and the third masturbated next to me. This third enjoyed my face and began to laugh. What I felt quite enjoyed in my stomach. My terror was impotence and I watched. Agent Anderson with a face full of rage took me away, as if it were a serious episode. Then I remembered a giant tremble rising from the scene and said, "Everything is revolting". I thought about going to the police, but then I imagined the police laughing and saying, "You came to complain a little bit, but you must have liked it". I thought about telling my parents, but I don't think they could handle it, and my father might even kill one of those guys and go to jail. I thought about looking for Geremias, but he was a young man, about 18 years old, like me, and not an adult guy like these guys. I thought about starting a gang and then killing those guys and Anderson. But nothing but revolt. When I got home, I locked myself in my room, and I was on the verge of depression, and I wasn't eating, and my mom started to worry, and she took me to the doctor, and everything I ate, I was throwing up, and even though it was extremely psychological, my parents thought it was genetic, because two of my uncles had gone through stomach cancer. I no longer go out in the streets because of fear, and at school only Jander (ultra-evangelical boy and son of Professor Clésio) talked to me. At home I started to play computer games. It was the time of the PC486 and my father's boss had given me as a gift. My favorite games were first-person shooters, because I imagined myself a vigilante, killing vagrants, rapists and so on. It wasn't long before I accepted Jander's invitation to go to his church, God is Love, where I found a welcoming and friendly atmosphere. In some of the churches ahead, I got a Bible and began to follow the evangelical world. I even thought about becoming a pastor, to lead the salvation of people attacked by the devil who feminized men. But it's not all magic. The hatred dissipated, even more with the preaching of "libere pardon", "God will do justice" and so on, and some of the transsexual behaviors came back to my mind. I once looked at a sister and I had this mental reflex of noticing her nails and her makeup and thinking that everything would be fine with me, that I would be beautiful too, but then I thought, the devil won't tempt me, I'm a warrior of God. Once again, without going to church for about five days, I imagined nonsense again. I had seen the movie "Ghost" on TV and in one scene the leading couple began to embrace and sexualize almost naked. I compared myself to the woman and began to plunge into memories of sex with Anderson. I stayed in bed twisting and remembering the penetration, imagining my very feminine butt. I enjoyed the panties that I had wrapped in the back. Then I had a great anger of myself, for having fallen into the temptation of the devil. Some time later I began to watch the soap opera <unk>Uga-Uga<unk> of the globe and I noticed that the pergonage <unk>Sgt. Baldochi<unk>, made by the actor Humberto Martins had a slight resemblance to Anderson. I began to follow the character and fantasize about being his wife. All in conflict with the Church, with the evangelical mentality. I began to justify that going to the Church I annulled the female masturbation that I did some days. At that time I finished the third grade in the morning, I would work in a pad in the afternoon and I would come home and watch the soap opera like this to then fantasize about sex and love stories with Humberto Martins. Obviously I always knew that I was fantasies and that I would never have a relationship with the actor. Jander and I would go to church on Mondays, Wednesdays, Saturdays, and Sundays, and on Mondays and Wednesdays, I would put on the videocassette to record the soap opera and watch it after church, and on weekends, the soap opera was only on Saturdays, and the church was after. Once, in a newsstand, I saw a pornographic magazine with the photo of Humberto Martins on the cover. I passed several times by the newsstand, pretended to look at the gibis and with the corner of my eye I wanted the magazine. About three days later, I saw that the magazine was running out and I bought a bunch of gibis from Uncle Patinhas and put the magazine in the middle, to disguise it. In my mind I was preparing an excuse for the bank clerk, thinking <unk>a strange friend asked for this magazine<unk>, or <unk>our, I had not seen this trash, but let me burn <unk>, or <unk>a cousin of mine...<unk> But the bank clerk did not fail and dispatched everything naturally. On this day I went home. I passed by Jander's house and said that I had the flu and that I could not go to church. I thought <unk>I was going to make up for it today with a prayer to God. At home I saw the magazine and started dreaming of being a woman sitting on Humberto Martins' stick. I pretended the actor was treating me like a lady and in the end I gave it to him. On this day, I was in my room alone, around 11 or 12 o'clock, I went to the kitchen and took a broom. In the room again, I put the broom between the bed and the mattress, leaving about 15 cm exposed. I put butter on the end of the broom and then I stayed four until the end of the broom came in. About two to three years I had not done this. The chill in my whole body happened again and I had the feeling of Humberto Martins is really relieving me. This feeling scared me until I came. Then I thought: <unk> I was going crazy, please Jesus. I took my broom from the kitchen and started to eat until I heard the sound of music, like a CD, or a record, or a record with songs from Cemetery, etc. Well, in part 06 I'll tell you how I left the church and got into a public university. Thank you all and see you later.