Cristina - between the whore and the saint.

I met Cristina at a self-knowledge course several years ago in Caetés, Minas. Dark hair, brown eyes, maybe 50 years old, I was in my 40s, at the time I was separating and she was already divorced, retired from Banco do Brasil. Nice, intelligent, elegant, the kind of woman you like, both in conversation and in appearance, at least for me, medium height, confident, serene, sweating a certain sensual air, but no exaggeration. A charming person to have a good chat with like we had those few days hiding in a cozy hotel built inside a small forest, a little of what was left of the Atlantic Forest near Belo Horizonte. Cristina had the profile that fit the kind of woman I would have loved to fuck when I was fifteen: mature, experienced and discreet. Someone who wouldn't make you embarrassed in your first relationship with a woman. That's a terror for a certain type of boys, the more introverted ones, as was my case. Of course, by the time I was in my thirties, I didn't have the fears of adolescence anymore, but the fact is that I've never been with the kind of woman who was an important part of my dreams, at least the erotic ones. And even though it wasn't a frequent turnaround, there was this feminine figure that fit perfectly into the model desired in adolescence, a rite of passage that was never long. That's why Cristina joined my select group of women who were more than friends, aunts, or neighbors, women who in their wildest dreams would be capable of the greatest villainy, always with a lot of class and a touch of elegance. This type of woman doesn't have to be perfect, slender, beautiful, they're hot, the sensuality comes out softly from the way they laugh, the way they look, and most of all, the way they act. They were, and still are what might be called the Ladies of Sex, the lovers of ideas for sex. There are other groups of women that I've been creating throughout my life: the loving ones, the delicate ones, the indecent ones, the independent ones, the dominating ones, the submissive ones. The older and more twisted I get the more the female types multiply, an embarrassing disease at certain times. But the ladies were always special and frustrating, as was Cristina in those few days when we became classmates in a self-knowledge course, because after all she remained untouchable and unattainable with the others of that elite club. I loved our chats, I loved watching her in the relaxation exercises, especially when she was wearing lycra pants, in black she looked amazing, in blue it was hard to concentrate in the meditation exercises, too bad she didn't come like this every day. Of course I fucked Cristina, anyway, anyway, lie, of course, I slept with her in my dreams and only. Until the night of the last day, after the monitor lecture, we sat in the hotel lobby talking and eating cheese bread with hot coffee. It was cold that night, it was windy, it looked like it was going to rain. "Is something wrong, Cris?" "No, nothing. Today was a hard day for me, and now this film that Tulio has given us, has made me even more balanced. Well, they warned that this meditation technique moves with us. Push!" "Yeah, they did talk, there are people out there who are somatizing. I couldn't even eat dinner today, my stomach was wrapping up". "Did it get better?" "Better, now better". We stayed there for a while, the rest of the staff had already retreated to the bungalows, the wind was now howling, the way a storm like that was coming, we had to run to our rooms, hers was next to mine. "Good night to you, Jonas". "Good night to you". She had a hard time unlocking the door and getting in, only then I opened mine and got in. A smell of mold mixed with the scent of wet earth. I went straight to the shower, a warm bath for a good night's sleep, even more watered to a rain. Pity that tomorrow would be the day of return, it lasted so little and a certain sadness began to take over. What is good never lasts. I lay down, covering myself with the blanket, the sound of the thunder shaking the windows, the blue glow of the lightning through the curtains, it was not difficult to sleep. I still thought of Cris laughing, calling me darling. That I reminded him of someone. Who could it be? I fainted, I had strange dreams, I turned over in bed, the weight of the blankets made it even more cozy, but the dreams were restless. I woke up scared, hard to understand what was happening, there was a knock on the door, nervous. "Wait a minute, I'll be right there". I turned on the lamp and put on my slippers, I tripped on the carpet and almost threw a chair on the floor, I unlocked the door and a gust of a freezing wind swept into the room. "Scream and shout!" She had one arm crossed over the robe, the other she was trying to hold her hair was shaking like crazy, the wick twisted like snakes. "Sorry, I'm not getting any sleep. Can I come in?" "Sure, get in there, get in there". "Tulius has gone to sleep, and I am not so close to waking him. "No, I just went to bed". I lied to you. Cristina sat on the edge of the bed, reluctantly crossed her legs to the side. She unbuttoned her robe and the blue sweater appeared defining her shapes. There were transparencies that let you notice the volume of the thighs, the contour of the breasts. "Today's exercises got to me". She looked distressed, even more so with her hair upside down. "Was it really that much?" I sat next to her, more careful not to scare her. "Are you not Jonah?" "A little, I'm still confused, I don't know if it's me discovering myself or if it's my fertile imagination". The light of the lampshade illuminated half her face, her eyes shone in a strange way, a deep look, there was a feeling there, there was something in her that was about to overflow. My ears burned, I remembered my aunt, who became the first of the Ladies. The images of the two mingled, Vani laughing and Cristina with an air of mystery. A heavy silence between us, the windows slamming and slamming. "Earlier today, in the exercise, some memories came that I had forgotten, it was very strong. Things that were hidden inside me. I no longer remembered, not the way they appeared to me, it seemed so real. As if I was experiencing it again". "They said it's good when that happens. They said you can't be afraid. You just feel, without thinking". "Yes, and I did, but the feelings were so... how can I explain? They left me rocking, I don't know, without a floor... I can't express myself. And now I can't sleep either". "Calm down, it's normal for these things to happen. The smell of lavender invaded my nose, and I imagined Cristina perfuming herself after bathing, the dark mark of a nipple drawn against the fabric, a bulge forming a beak. I held her hand, which rested on the bed, and she took a deep breath, and sometimes blinked her eyes, and we crossed our fingers as a sign that she was calming down. "My father"... Her eyes were watery, her voice hoarse, Cristina tried to control herself, I suspected something forbidden, the "father"? "He was very castrating, very rough with us. We were four children, two women and the men. But he was demanding was with the daughters. No one could, hah!, 'pee out of the jar'. Sorry. Oh, my nose". She snorted and her nose ran. "You don't have to apologize. I'll get you a paper". I came back folding the toilet paper, I handed it over, she laughed accepting. "He had a little face, a boy that I ended up liking, back in high school, you know?" "Everybody goes through it, first love". "But it wasn't my first love. Third, fourth, I don't know. I was about 16. He was super cool, just like you, a beautiful laugh, a nice chat". "I see". "Vinicius was his name, Vini, the bastard, when we were alone, he just wanted to kiss me". "Boys, most of them are". "But no one at home knew, especially not my dad. Curiosity mixed with hormones, you know how it is! It was very strong, it was not just him who wanted it". "Don't even talk to me, especially with men". "Why do you think men don't stay with girls? I'm prejudiced. If only men knew". I paid attention to Cristina's foot, she was one of those where the toes and the foot form an admirable ensemble, the fingers joined together, proportionate, the nails painted in a dark red, the enamel shining on each finger. "I thought it was more with the men". "Fool, we're just like you, men are very simple. For most of us, we're either saints or whores. The two things don't mix in your head". "Latinos, the culture". "Before that, I dated foreigners, and it's all the same, a man can do anything, he can fuck whoever he wants, he can do the biggest shit, but girls turn into whores if they do". I scratched my throat, not knowing what to say, just thinking that she just needed to vent, and I was the only one available at that time. A strong lightning bolt illuminated the room, before long came a thud as if a bomb had been detonated next door. "Gee, it's going to rain hard". "It's really going, in fact, it's already starting". "I like the rain, if I could get out to wash, I really need it". She forced a smile, but sadness returned to her face. The inconvenient silence returned. She buttoned and unbuttoned the little button of her sweater, showing her tight breasts, the curvature of both of them, the breath swelling both of them. She with her eyes lost in the chess of the quilt. "Did your father suspect?" She shook her head in a yes. "He said he saw it in my eyes". "In your eyes?" Cristina looked deep into me with those brown eyes, the black pupils. "Vini called me one day at home. And his Humberto, dad, heard us talking. I didn't even know he was around. And that day Vini was busy, he was very funny, he told me a lot of nonsense. I, curious, wanted to understand all that". "But he spoke openly, without fear of being overheard?" "I don't know if there was anyone from whom he called. I laughed and listened, and occasionally provoked. What nonsense we were! We were too young". "And how did he suspect your father?" "The eyes, he said my eyes were shining. My laughter. Laughter of a 'prostitute', of a 'whore'! Today I distinctly heard him cursing me like that, I didn't even remember it was like that, in my face. As if I was worth nothing. I didn't know where to put my face". "What a drag, and was he that kind of jerk?" "Huh! Old-fashioned, full of rules. And he did much worse, he punished me and told everyone in the house that the eldest daughter was a whore. And he even cursed Mom. He said it was her fault". Cris put her hand on her chest like she was in pain, and she took a deep breath and started sobbing, and I hugged her, and I pressed against my body as she sobbed, and her warm tears wet my shoulder. I didn't even know what to say. Nothing came to my mind, zero. She cried, sometimes sobbed, by the way had something much heavier that she didn't want to tell a stranger. It was until tired, still wiping the tears and the nose she told me still lying on my shoulder: "You know today I found out, the old man didn't see anything in my eyes, that's not how it happened, I was in the room and she was in the living room. He listened by extension, today I clearly remember the click of him taking off the headset and then turning it off again. I remember thinking, 'Where is someone listening to my conversation?', I don't know how I forgot this?" "And did he hear everything?" "The important thing, right at the time when Vini was telling me that he was masturbating thinking about me, that he was going to make fun of me that he was going to make fun of my face. I laughed saying that I doubted. He then asked if I left it in my mouth and I said yes. It was in that out that I heard the second click, when dad turned off the extension and shortly after appeared in front of me with a face of anger. No one could move commas daughters, already the sons, you know how it is. " "And then, what about this Vini?" "I never saw him again. My father took me out of school, sent me to live with my uncles in Piracicaba, made me miss the year. When I returned, he enrolled me in another school and forbade me to meet Vinícius. I was scared at the time, I didn't want any confusion with my father". A bolt of lightning scratched the sky again and another thud shook the doors and windows of the bungalow. "Gosh, how am I going to get back to my room now? "I don't know, depending on the way it is you sleep here". I spoke without thinking, I spoke looking out the window trying to see outside, but the rain was so heavy that it was like a fog outside the noise, and when I turned to Cris, she was smiling, a relaxed smile, a mixture of freshness and a dose of cowardice. "Are we going to sleep in the same bed?" "Well, I can sleep in the chair". "No, I won't leave it there, we owe the bed". She laughed at me with her fingers pointing at my cheek, thunder again, farther away, and the rain falling like a thunderstorm. "Well, which side do you want?" "You choose, the bungalow is yours". "Would you mind standing by the wall?" That's great! We lay down, the bed was wide, but it wasn't enough, the way was to stand on one side and she did the same, I had my back to her, she had her front to me, I turned off the lamp. "Good night to you". It's been a while since I slept with a man. "Neither did I". Laughter turned to laughter, both of them. "Foolish!" She punched me in the back and moved behind me, like something was bothering her. "What is it?" "Nothing, it's just my panties, I don't sleep in them, they're uncomfortable, are you?" I turned and stood on my stomach, she was lying on her side, you could barely see her, except for her eyes and her teeth. "I don't wear underwear". "Do you sleep in your underwear?" I said, "Yes, ma'am". I turned my back on her again because she was kind of squeezed against the wall. "I can't take it, I take it all, sometimes I sleep with nothing". I thought of her naked, the triangle of the vagina, between the wide thighs, the curve of the hips, the breasts, an inconvenient erection appeared, no small thing, the worst thing was that it bothered me, I had to move my shorts. "What is it?" "Nothing... I was just getting dressed". "You're in the way, aren't you?" "No! That's it. Are you calmer now?" "Crying is good, it always makes me feel better". "Everyone, even one more cry like yours". "It came from inside. It's good, it was good. It's like taking a bath, a hot bath". We sat in silence listening to the rain, the light of a pole illuminated the curtain. "Can I lean on you?" "Hmmm, do you want to do it?" "Cold toast, may I?" "He can, he can". The erection came back firm, hard, throbbing, if she knew, if she suspected that the 'friend' was turned on by her. A craving to imagine Cristina naked. I saw her climbing up her sweater and putting the xanax on my ass, rubbing it and telling me how she wanted me to eat her, there. 'Eat me Jonas that I'm in need of. Now, now!' She's open-legged, her vagina opening up in the middle of the creaky combs, a juice wetting her hair, her mouth ripped open and she's making faces and mouths saying the biggest bastards. Cris put her hand on my shoulder and leaned against my body, and she crouched behind me, and her hand went down to my hip, and I was throbbing, frozen, with my hands under my pillow, and my legs folded over each other, trying to hide the erection. "Wow, that's hot. I scratched my throat trying to think of another subject, but the more I tried, the more my imagination returned to seeing Cristina moving her lips, asking, wanting, almost begging. 'Eat me, eat me my good, I let, I want.' "Hmmmm, that feels good". "What is it?" "Nothing, forget it. My foolish boy. Sleep. Sleeping in the rain is great". Sleeping like I thought. "Good night to you". "Good night to you". She walked away and turned her back on me, a bucket of cold water again, as usual. Even though I didn't think so, even though it took me a long time, I ended up falling asleep. That rain helped. Only the dream got confused, agitated, an erotic dream, I went crazy to take off my pants and fuck the bed that was Cristina. To her, sometimes my aunt, the neighbor of 601, each one more cheeky, asking me for things, doing things to me. Naked and cheeky rolling around and begging for the biggest bastards. Aunt Betty showing her ass, begging for an anal, Suzanne, the neighbor, showing me her boobs, and Cris on her knees sucking my dick, mouth sucking hard, swallowing everything. The dream mixed with the rain, the thirsty mouths of the three biting me, licking my whole body, I felt my stick wet, running down my shorts. A voice from afar, almost a whisper, came through the dream, mingled with me. "Jonas, why are you like this?" What do you mean? I woke up dreaming. "It's like this". "Just like that?" I still didn't know if it was the dream or if it was her. Cris hugged my back. Her body leaned against mine, I felt a warmth coming from her waist. I stretched out my arm and passed my hand on her thigh, only with the tip of my fingers, the tender skin was ripped. I could hear my friend's heavy breathing. "You want a cuddle, you need Jonas?" Sweetheart? "Yeah, a cuddle here". She speaks softly as if someone could hear us, her hand came down softly and touched my pelvis, Cristina put the xanax on my butt, I felt her combs, a burning oven. I pictured her naked, completely naked, the beaks of her hard breasts scratching my back, her bouquet barking. Cristina put her hand inside my shorts and held me tightly without unlocking her mouth from mine. "Jonas, my dear". The moans came one after another. I turned and lay on my stomach. Cris sat on top of me, and slowly came down, unbuttoning my pajama shirt, kissing my nipples and then my belly button. His mouth was scratching my thigh, a hot sweat was dripping down my skin. My friend took off my shorts and wrapped her fingers around me, and there was a nice masturbation, which was everything I dreamed of, one of them touching my soul. I was like, "Aaaiii, Cris!" She laughed and lifted me up to her face, and I felt her teeth scratch the bare skin on the head of my penis, her fingers scratch my bags, and she moaned from time to time. "Hmm, hot and sour. I love it!" She laughed and licked and sucked like a seasoned whore, a flailing tongue licking at her head like a snake, the false bites, the long, deep sucks almost to the throat, my God, it was a dream! Even with the rain falling you could hear the wet sounds of that incredible kiss. "That's how I want it, in the mouth". The punch gained even more rhythm with the saliva coming down the hard cock. "Ha ha ha, Jonah, boy, come and see". She swallowed me whole, all at once, down to the bottom, until her face rested on my body, until I could feel her throat. I got chills looking at the ceiling, it was as good as a hot tub, Cristina even coughed, choked, without taking me out. I grabbed her hair and moved my pelvis against her face, I ate her new friend's mouth, I fucked Cristina shamelessly, and it went all the way to the apex, the extreme limit, to the intense, liberating orgasm. I ejaculated in my mouth, Cris swallowed the fuck, felt my sour taste mixing with the saliva, uncontrollable gasps, even more me, regurgitating the white cream. When the last jet had wet my tongue, Cris looked down at me, in the middle of my waist, crouched over my body, like a sated beast, his mouth open, a smile of victory, a milky drool dripping on the bed. "Satisfied Jonah? Was that what you wanted?" He kissed the tip of my dick and blinked like a bitch, climbed up, lay on my body, sweating, his vagina exhaling moist heat. "Wow, boy, this is crazy". She hugged me with her head on my shoulder, her leg on my penis, smoothing my chest. "So, did you like it?" "This is ours!" She turned her head towards the ceiling, thoughtful, her hair tickling my cheese. Is your Humberto's daughter really a whore, is she?" "You're not a whore, Cristina, you're just like the others". "I am yes, within four walls I am yes, and I like it! "Hum?" he said. She turned her face towards me, biting my neck. "Because I can, I like, I want, with whoever I want, only in bed". "But did you enjoy it?" "What? You're worried about it. That's good. At least some people care. Yeah, baby! I had fun, I had fun with you. Who said that a woman needs to touch herself to have an orgasm, huh?" "I didn't get it at all". She laughed and hugged me. "Do you see how you don't know anything about us? Hum! Boommm! Aaaaa! It's making me sleepy. It's raining?" "Not much, just a shower". She yawned loudly and looked for the pillow, turned her back and walked away from me, slept naked, I didn't even notice when she took off her shirt, she looked so relaxed, like we were married. ♪ ♪ I awoke to the sound of drops falling on the ground, not rain, perhaps the gutter of the house. The first thing I saw was the porcelain lampshade on top of the servant. The cloudy light came in illuminating the curtain and the floor. It was as if a tractor had passed over me. I fell asleep and woke up again, two or three more times, I wasn't in a hurry to leave. My flight to Goiânia was only in the afternoon. That's when I noticed something strange, as if something was missing. I turned around and where is Cris? He did. I thought it was weird, but, uh, maybe she didn't want to blow the whistle so the class could figure out what she'd done to us. I wanted to remember everything, but I don't know why I was in a hurry. I looked at the time before I left for breakfast. It was nine in the morning. I didn't know what time Cristina would leave, there were people coming by car and I didn't know if she was one of them. I walked into the dining room, and there were a few people from our group gathered around a table, and I sat down with them, and it didn't take long for anyone to comment. "Cristina and Ruth just left, they said they were late, they were supposed to leave early". It was a cold shower of water. I didn't even know what to think, I even doubted that all that had really happened last night, maybe it was just a dream. But it was impossible that all that had come out of the imagination. After the course I finally built up the courage and I invented a lame excuse that I was to send a parcel to her and get the address with Tulio. Few people had cell phones in those days, and I was one of the few who didn't, so I decided to send a letter, thinking it would be better than calling, even more inter-city. I sent it, still with a lot of hope and a hint of doubt, and the days went by and I didn't get anything back, and for a month or two, I came to believe that she didn't want to talk about it. Then I thought I wrote some nonsense that she didn't like. But it was unforgettable, that was it. As time went by, I forgot, I never found Cris in the courses I was taking, I thought he had left the group. What was the surprise of a meeting in Poços de Caldas, unexpected and why not incredible, but that's for another story.