The Presence of James
Dedicated to those suffering from a terrible disease called S.I.D.A., killing thousands of innocent people over these long years, in which caution becomes the most effective weapon against premature death....
The Presence of James
I came home, sat on the maple tree and started thinking about this character who had died a few days earlier from an AIDS virus. How funny it was to sit together by a thick winter fireplace in his village cottage at Ribatejo talking over all sorts of subjects without ever getting bored, always letting that when one of us spoke the other just listened and made constructive criticism... how much I miss those conversations, especially one which left me fascinated and excited simultaneously. James loved to go out at night with his closest friends, sometimes wandering in the endless nights through the surrounding woods near their home. When one of these evenings he remembered to invite Fedra an Italian woman already around 40 years old for us three to a neighbor's pigeon house and try to release poor animals from its almost permanent enclosure since James valued freedom of all animals including those less productive as she called them... And there we were singing in the moonlight full of imaginations and legendary stories, like that one Fedra told us when she was sitting on a stone near Mr. Zé's dovecote... Still in her native land, Phaedra was an archaeologist sometimes having to travel to various European countries during great glorious discoveries made by colleagues who invited her to participate in projects presented to States so they could more openly research what had happened at this place with thousands of years of history cultural social and economic even ... In one of these excursions through Europe, Phaedra had to deeply study a diary lost in the immensity of time-worn earth. She came to the conclusion that it belonged to a prostitute named Ionis who was Greek by origin and recounted her constant adventures in a classical world where although women did not have the right to vote and were voted into exile very much their own they managed to achieve some success staying behind the scenes as masters of the thread which moved the puppets on life's stage with men being dominated by the insight of those intelligent and self-confident women It 's ... Ionis despite being subjugated to a brothel sponsored by the aristocracy of that time, she went out twice a month looking for other adventures more wild, more erotic, more fun trying to meet strangers who were searching in the walls of the temple dedicated to Aphrodite, the inscriptions of names which could give them pleasure and secrecy...in one of these raids at night, Ionis inscribed her name on one of the temples' walls, waiting in turn to be invited to an extended walk ... As her name was unknown, she waited eagerly for a stranger to arrive watching other women's passions in long kisses meticulous glances transparent gowns almost half-naked on the still breeze of ecstatic summer when an overgrown male approached her in a nearly nonexistent shadow inviting her into the forest of passion as it was known... Ioannis accepted, following him at the appropriate length for the moment, seeing that after all this shadow was of an experienced man with wavy gray hair who remained silent, taking only his wrist in her hand to indicate a path still unknown to her. In this forest, there was a whitened marble table on which a vessel containing wine and two silver cups awaited them for the love feast...the illustrious unknown saying nothing began by looking at it with such tenderness that Ioannis emptied himself in an almost constant fainting spell, waking up already naked on top of the table while he continued to look at her as if she were a virgin before the moment of final sacrifice! ":- I am who you seek in your nocturnal exploits"... Ioannis felt good with that kiss, but she did not move allowing the free massaging of her fingers all over her body feeling her thighs in contraction waiting for a miraculous touch which would lead to an extreme sexual fantasy... Without touching her feminine part, that instantaneous being let itself be heard through the wind weak but distant moans refreshing yet peaceful contractions in which Ionis already with his hands on her breasts squeezed them in sundial-like movements getting masturbated by those who were already kissing her navel and hips when their hands were joining hers in an endless clench kneeling in fresh light massaging a still small but strong muscle in beauty never seen or felt by anyone accustomed to being the most powerful part of momentary relationship. Without realizing it, she began to be aroused by two women who had approached that unique scene. One of them kissed her lips with such sweetness that Ionis thought he was absorbing peach juice through a moist, sensitive, fresh and seductive tongue which reached the point where it could suck up an infinite number of contradictory and fleeting sensations...the other woman nibbled at his breasts firmly, one hand already on its clitoris, while the male being looked upon them with a beguiling and excited gaze. It wasn't long before he pulled the two women apart and joined only Ionís, placing her again on top of the marble table to penetrate it slowly as if she were unflowing a virgin wife so sweetly that Ionis despite his 30 years old age was able to achieve an orgasm never felt before... As soon as he opened his eyes, both women had disappeared leaving only that man smiling at him while tasting a baguette of grapes in the splendor of a throne-shaped stone chair for an unknown king from this classical world created by philosophers and almost human gods! "I hope I have loved you purely"... she said changing her shadowy posture to one nearly poetic and fantastic. Ioannis, unwilling to believe what he was witnessing, became frightened and fled into a more intense and terrifying forest when in another clearing appeared before him the figure of that god wishing to explain this burning desire to have possessed her and loved her deeply as no mortal had ever loved her during his entire short life. :- In your dreams, you wanted to love the Lord of Heaven, the Creator God, he by whom you always wanted to be loved and cherished...in my dreams I saw you in a gracious fullness, an inner beauty monastic, simple, lovely and loved you lostly, wanted to possess you, wanting to be yours and you mine ...but I was afraid, and did not want to do it.
Ioannis then cried because she felt that she should not have the privilege of being loved by a god...she was mortal and prostitute, with no right to an inner life at all. Zeus became puzzled by such guilt-feeling, retorting that her life was as valuable as hers. The life of other mortals was even more precious, for she could escape the fleeting embraces and caresses to take refuge in loving whoever wanted her by their beauty... They were both so in love, that once again they united in an act of love and passion so breathless, that the space was transformed into a rainbow-tinted tent, its interior masked by walls of soft coloured cloth fluttering with a gentle and pleasant wind, where on the floor rose petals appeared incarnate, yellow, white, purple, luminous malmequers hanging from the ceiling invaded with their perfume a natural environment in which already naked Ionis had let loose his dark hair showing it behind him, covering them completely. Already facing each other, they approached slowly, touching both in a constant presence of kisses and caresses... alone, just the two of them in double avarice, two characters passionate and extremely beautiful ... Still standing, Zeus in his own god-figure began by kissing her constantly with a fantastic suffrage whereby massaging the clitoris he simultaneously embraced it in burning desire of an penetrating tongue already on a boiling and fresh orifice sucking up all its feminine incenity...and placing it kneeling against his figure allowed himself to be kissed into a soft breast in almost fearful gentleness being nibbled at the tips of their chests going down their trunk, from which Ioannis in a now nearly recumbent position delighted itself tasting the flavour of her excited sex as she delicately and slowly sucked him out. His mouth was filled in an almost unique totality, Zeus being caressed by the tongue and juice poured out at more pleasant moments, Ionis happy to thus grace that supernatural creature. Still on his knees, Zeus wanted Ionis to continue stroking him around his sore limb, running her fingers through her lips, imitating a penis penetrating an experienced and sweet vagina... Carrying her in his arms, he led her out of the tent where they were met by a cascade of fresh blooming water on which Nymphs and Sirens sailed smoothing a calm transparent lake. And one could see some small fish jumping about wanting to pay homage to the Great Lord of Gods... They plunged together, the Nymphs and Mermaids dissipating, leaving only the widest kisses, firmer in constant embraces, bodies joined, both feeling each other's sex, Zeus taking that very feminine woman and making Ioannis hold with his legs on her hips, penetrated her, rocking his hands into firm buttocks already leaning at one of the green ends of that lake overlooking a water ever flowing down the magnificent mountain... Thus they remained for a time, united as one being treats another without Ionis ceasing to groan, containing orgasms followed by a single feat and an achievement she desired. Loving herself in a universal totality, Zeus let her sperm drain out and pass through a small dark womb hiding there his offspring where Ionis would have inner peace with a beautiful and daring demi-goddess no longer seeing her beloved but lending him erotic poems and donations from those who had discovered their prince enchanted and loved.... Hearing that description of Phaedrus, my whole body trembled, wanting to exchange the reality of a tale taken from an archaeological find for a symmetrical vision, which at this exact moment should have happened ... but of course none of it has happened, continuing my excited presence... After we opened the cages and released the pigeons and doves, we ran as fast as we could not be caught by those who thought they were masters of flora and fauna. We then hid in a bush, tired from an unfamiliar run and falling into the grass. Laughing like three children who have made a tropelia and flee to avoid receiving punishment so desired by adults... Still with those words in mind, I approached James and kissed him on the mouth still panting, absorbing the rest of his remaining oxygen...he was shocked and amazed because despite being bisexual, he never came to me with such an intention to love us ...but seeing me so relieved and confident, let himself be kissed in a continuation that Fedra delighted, as she had never seen such staging between two adults and responsible men. I kissed him not with the intention of deceiving, even though he was heterosexual but simply wanting to enjoy a single moment knowing that inwardly I desired him feeling drawn by his graceful sense... unzipping his shirt as she passed her hands over his chest and kissing him in constant wisdom of loving him more and more ... sensing his sultry breath moaning while letting herself be undressed at Fedra's gaze Without removing her jeans, I would feel his sex over the clothes and it became harder wider feeling him squeezed between my delicate hands of pianist in early career... wanted Phaedra to also participate in that madness asking her to undress ... and thus fulfilling this request began by showing a magnificent breast free from an effective sexual nature where we all three entered into that almost fleeting adventure which was just like Ioannis' diary. He began by kissing her in an almost utopian and transcendental slowness, embracing her affectionately as one hugs a delicate flower...wished that fate I would begin by stripping him completely, massaging his firm but tremendously soft buttocks, peach-like skin of spring texture, passing my lips for brief moments on this unreal silk, sometimes leaving behind a trail of saliva which was not what I wanted to have it and having her already lying beside James, held horizontally sideways where we both stood in the long French kiss ... As I massaged his back, I found myself on top of him in a total erotic game, pure desired sensuality dancing perhaps to an imaginary melody where Phaedra felt herself smiling with her eyes closed wishing, wishing... In my little bag, I pulled out several condoms for the great orgy that would take place in this already more nocturnal space as we gazed at the round full moon shining brightly and beautifully like it was some transcendental goddess granting us those grand moments of passion. James was already penetrating Phaedra still light, delicate and happy while I seduced him in all his essence which had become broader and so fragile... being able to hear slight but long moans of pleasure immersed into an immense dark silence of bushes where not even the small invisible beings dared interrupt that wonderful audacity. I began by penetrating him slowly, as James had done with Phaedra, feeling his oscillatory movements in a grandeur that as we moved, we felt free to love each other together, he on top of this fabulous woman and me above him wanting it intimately... Within seconds of switching to the second condom, I felt Fedra's invasion all over my shivering body. Wishing also for the magnitude of passion invading her bellybutton which when touched was compressed as far as my tongue could reach and triggered memories of his native country such were unrecognizable words that he raved about while James savored a tremendously wet clitoris opening its legs and pulling them up so she too might taste and enjoy the sensations of stroking her vagina and an still-virgin anal. Lying on the green mattress of herbs, I pulled it towards me so that she could taste a double penetration in such an expansive fullness that we all kissed frantically and wanted to explore each other's entire bodies lips, necks, breasts legs and arms words which were not heard already feeling a colder wind invading our thoughts but warmed by this unforgettable literary erotic game. Half asleep after that magnificent orgy, we dressed ourselves not without first looking at each other like endless characters in a theater play praising our freedom of minds and sensations. Like great friends who were still found in pubs, my home, Fedra's apartment talking infinitely laughing no more than children after a school day savoring life just as it was with no hurry nor ignoble fears. He loved us in the mentalising sense of being confident, well-disposed people with no fear for the future thinking that whatever we did would bring harm to the world and nothing or nobody could take away from our common sense of privacy because there were no secrets between male and female as if we were one entity united in this universe of transcendental nirvana... when I received news that James had been infected by the AIDS virus. Not quite understanding what had happened, I went to Phaedra and together we accompanied our friend to a doctor when we heard that endless story of desires and passions felt by James with various people without any precautions thinking other humans would be as kind and united as the three of us were. On a beautiful Sunday afternoon, with nothing to do and exhausted from being alone at home, James decided to make an incursion into a cinema that showed only pornographic films. He sat in an almost invisible chair hidden away among the most distant audience there was when he realized that next to him stood a very beautiful blonde woman of confident stature with one of her breasts outstretched masturbating herself in monstrous frenzy while another man inserted his full penis into his mouth as she sat down with open pants showing all around her thunderous sex. There was a scene in that film which showed exactly this position, without any imposition, no taboos, no words or deeper sensations when James found himself touching the woman and man who were strangers to his eyes staring into a passing storm as it... With no one else in that room, and the film with almost deafening sound, and without wasting any more time on worries, they all engaged themselves in a fatal game where there was moaning and screaming, mixed sexes, hair-pulls, full licks and endless penetrations. All of them had short orgasms followed by unknown laughter, leaving James happy to have not seen the movie, having been involved in an adventure he considered healthy, unique, After a few months, feeling somewhat recovered and already with certain spots darkening his pale face, losing weight daily, shedding small patches of his superb hair, he decided to go for some blood tests thinking that it might be anemia derived perhaps from lack of appetite or the flu which had gotten him and was no longer curable... When learning about this illness he remembered momentarily what almost depraved adventure he'd been involved in because he didn't use any contraception. While searching for those fugitives, we learned from the manager of that joint... that Romeo and Sonia were regular customers of pornographic films. They invaded reality by taking some hard drugs. Disconsolate, James knew that he would live a short time because it had not been treated in due useful time with his biological clock counting backwards as if broken and without concert. A few months later I went to find him lying on the kitchen floor fainted in opaque blood feverish and powerless...Fedra still tried to revive him but no luck passed away en route to hospital asking us for forgiveness for not having trusted our eternal advice of freedom in relative love meetings ... We still mourn for him, who was such a rich person in feelings so easy to trust so crazy and so gentle... Sitting now on this maple tree I feel his presence the smell of it an endless longing fierce that breaks my soul and body weeping over such a poor death with no meaning... And thinking about our separation as when Phaedra said goodbye to me at the airport all dressed in black not bearing the constant grief of feeling just like myself agreeing that next week I would follow her to Rome fleeing from a constant presence of lusitan tears and fate never heard ...
The Presence of James
I came home, sat on the maple tree and started thinking about this character who had died a few days earlier from an AIDS virus. How funny it was to sit together by a thick winter fireplace in his village cottage at Ribatejo talking over all sorts of subjects without ever getting bored, always letting that when one of us spoke the other just listened and made constructive criticism... how much I miss those conversations, especially one which left me fascinated and excited simultaneously. James loved to go out at night with his closest friends, sometimes wandering in the endless nights through the surrounding woods near their home. When one of these evenings he remembered to invite Fedra an Italian woman already around 40 years old for us three to a neighbor's pigeon house and try to release poor animals from its almost permanent enclosure since James valued freedom of all animals including those less productive as she called them... And there we were singing in the moonlight full of imaginations and legendary stories, like that one Fedra told us when she was sitting on a stone near Mr. Zé's dovecote... Still in her native land, Phaedra was an archaeologist sometimes having to travel to various European countries during great glorious discoveries made by colleagues who invited her to participate in projects presented to States so they could more openly research what had happened at this place with thousands of years of history cultural social and economic even ... In one of these excursions through Europe, Phaedra had to deeply study a diary lost in the immensity of time-worn earth. She came to the conclusion that it belonged to a prostitute named Ionis who was Greek by origin and recounted her constant adventures in a classical world where although women did not have the right to vote and were voted into exile very much their own they managed to achieve some success staying behind the scenes as masters of the thread which moved the puppets on life's stage with men being dominated by the insight of those intelligent and self-confident women It 's ... Ionis despite being subjugated to a brothel sponsored by the aristocracy of that time, she went out twice a month looking for other adventures more wild, more erotic, more fun trying to meet strangers who were searching in the walls of the temple dedicated to Aphrodite, the inscriptions of names which could give them pleasure and secrecy...in one of these raids at night, Ionis inscribed her name on one of the temples' walls, waiting in turn to be invited to an extended walk ... As her name was unknown, she waited eagerly for a stranger to arrive watching other women's passions in long kisses meticulous glances transparent gowns almost half-naked on the still breeze of ecstatic summer when an overgrown male approached her in a nearly nonexistent shadow inviting her into the forest of passion as it was known... Ioannis accepted, following him at the appropriate length for the moment, seeing that after all this shadow was of an experienced man with wavy gray hair who remained silent, taking only his wrist in her hand to indicate a path still unknown to her. In this forest, there was a whitened marble table on which a vessel containing wine and two silver cups awaited them for the love feast...the illustrious unknown saying nothing began by looking at it with such tenderness that Ioannis emptied himself in an almost constant fainting spell, waking up already naked on top of the table while he continued to look at her as if she were a virgin before the moment of final sacrifice! ":- I am who you seek in your nocturnal exploits"... Ioannis felt good with that kiss, but she did not move allowing the free massaging of her fingers all over her body feeling her thighs in contraction waiting for a miraculous touch which would lead to an extreme sexual fantasy... Without touching her feminine part, that instantaneous being let itself be heard through the wind weak but distant moans refreshing yet peaceful contractions in which Ionis already with his hands on her breasts squeezed them in sundial-like movements getting masturbated by those who were already kissing her navel and hips when their hands were joining hers in an endless clench kneeling in fresh light massaging a still small but strong muscle in beauty never seen or felt by anyone accustomed to being the most powerful part of momentary relationship. Without realizing it, she began to be aroused by two women who had approached that unique scene. One of them kissed her lips with such sweetness that Ionis thought he was absorbing peach juice through a moist, sensitive, fresh and seductive tongue which reached the point where it could suck up an infinite number of contradictory and fleeting sensations...the other woman nibbled at his breasts firmly, one hand already on its clitoris, while the male being looked upon them with a beguiling and excited gaze. It wasn't long before he pulled the two women apart and joined only Ionís, placing her again on top of the marble table to penetrate it slowly as if she were unflowing a virgin wife so sweetly that Ionis despite his 30 years old age was able to achieve an orgasm never felt before... As soon as he opened his eyes, both women had disappeared leaving only that man smiling at him while tasting a baguette of grapes in the splendor of a throne-shaped stone chair for an unknown king from this classical world created by philosophers and almost human gods! "I hope I have loved you purely"... she said changing her shadowy posture to one nearly poetic and fantastic. Ioannis, unwilling to believe what he was witnessing, became frightened and fled into a more intense and terrifying forest when in another clearing appeared before him the figure of that god wishing to explain this burning desire to have possessed her and loved her deeply as no mortal had ever loved her during his entire short life. :- In your dreams, you wanted to love the Lord of Heaven, the Creator God, he by whom you always wanted to be loved and cherished...in my dreams I saw you in a gracious fullness, an inner beauty monastic, simple, lovely and loved you lostly, wanted to possess you, wanting to be yours and you mine ...but I was afraid, and did not want to do it.
Ioannis then cried because she felt that she should not have the privilege of being loved by a god...she was mortal and prostitute, with no right to an inner life at all. Zeus became puzzled by such guilt-feeling, retorting that her life was as valuable as hers. The life of other mortals was even more precious, for she could escape the fleeting embraces and caresses to take refuge in loving whoever wanted her by their beauty... They were both so in love, that once again they united in an act of love and passion so breathless, that the space was transformed into a rainbow-tinted tent, its interior masked by walls of soft coloured cloth fluttering with a gentle and pleasant wind, where on the floor rose petals appeared incarnate, yellow, white, purple, luminous malmequers hanging from the ceiling invaded with their perfume a natural environment in which already naked Ionis had let loose his dark hair showing it behind him, covering them completely. Already facing each other, they approached slowly, touching both in a constant presence of kisses and caresses... alone, just the two of them in double avarice, two characters passionate and extremely beautiful ... Still standing, Zeus in his own god-figure began by kissing her constantly with a fantastic suffrage whereby massaging the clitoris he simultaneously embraced it in burning desire of an penetrating tongue already on a boiling and fresh orifice sucking up all its feminine incenity...and placing it kneeling against his figure allowed himself to be kissed into a soft breast in almost fearful gentleness being nibbled at the tips of their chests going down their trunk, from which Ioannis in a now nearly recumbent position delighted itself tasting the flavour of her excited sex as she delicately and slowly sucked him out. His mouth was filled in an almost unique totality, Zeus being caressed by the tongue and juice poured out at more pleasant moments, Ionis happy to thus grace that supernatural creature. Still on his knees, Zeus wanted Ionis to continue stroking him around his sore limb, running her fingers through her lips, imitating a penis penetrating an experienced and sweet vagina... Carrying her in his arms, he led her out of the tent where they were met by a cascade of fresh blooming water on which Nymphs and Sirens sailed smoothing a calm transparent lake. And one could see some small fish jumping about wanting to pay homage to the Great Lord of Gods... They plunged together, the Nymphs and Mermaids dissipating, leaving only the widest kisses, firmer in constant embraces, bodies joined, both feeling each other's sex, Zeus taking that very feminine woman and making Ioannis hold with his legs on her hips, penetrated her, rocking his hands into firm buttocks already leaning at one of the green ends of that lake overlooking a water ever flowing down the magnificent mountain... Thus they remained for a time, united as one being treats another without Ionis ceasing to groan, containing orgasms followed by a single feat and an achievement she desired. Loving herself in a universal totality, Zeus let her sperm drain out and pass through a small dark womb hiding there his offspring where Ionis would have inner peace with a beautiful and daring demi-goddess no longer seeing her beloved but lending him erotic poems and donations from those who had discovered their prince enchanted and loved.... Hearing that description of Phaedrus, my whole body trembled, wanting to exchange the reality of a tale taken from an archaeological find for a symmetrical vision, which at this exact moment should have happened ... but of course none of it has happened, continuing my excited presence... After we opened the cages and released the pigeons and doves, we ran as fast as we could not be caught by those who thought they were masters of flora and fauna. We then hid in a bush, tired from an unfamiliar run and falling into the grass. Laughing like three children who have made a tropelia and flee to avoid receiving punishment so desired by adults... Still with those words in mind, I approached James and kissed him on the mouth still panting, absorbing the rest of his remaining oxygen...he was shocked and amazed because despite being bisexual, he never came to me with such an intention to love us ...but seeing me so relieved and confident, let himself be kissed in a continuation that Fedra delighted, as she had never seen such staging between two adults and responsible men. I kissed him not with the intention of deceiving, even though he was heterosexual but simply wanting to enjoy a single moment knowing that inwardly I desired him feeling drawn by his graceful sense... unzipping his shirt as she passed her hands over his chest and kissing him in constant wisdom of loving him more and more ... sensing his sultry breath moaning while letting herself be undressed at Fedra's gaze Without removing her jeans, I would feel his sex over the clothes and it became harder wider feeling him squeezed between my delicate hands of pianist in early career... wanted Phaedra to also participate in that madness asking her to undress ... and thus fulfilling this request began by showing a magnificent breast free from an effective sexual nature where we all three entered into that almost fleeting adventure which was just like Ioannis' diary. He began by kissing her in an almost utopian and transcendental slowness, embracing her affectionately as one hugs a delicate flower...wished that fate I would begin by stripping him completely, massaging his firm but tremendously soft buttocks, peach-like skin of spring texture, passing my lips for brief moments on this unreal silk, sometimes leaving behind a trail of saliva which was not what I wanted to have it and having her already lying beside James, held horizontally sideways where we both stood in the long French kiss ... As I massaged his back, I found myself on top of him in a total erotic game, pure desired sensuality dancing perhaps to an imaginary melody where Phaedra felt herself smiling with her eyes closed wishing, wishing... In my little bag, I pulled out several condoms for the great orgy that would take place in this already more nocturnal space as we gazed at the round full moon shining brightly and beautifully like it was some transcendental goddess granting us those grand moments of passion. James was already penetrating Phaedra still light, delicate and happy while I seduced him in all his essence which had become broader and so fragile... being able to hear slight but long moans of pleasure immersed into an immense dark silence of bushes where not even the small invisible beings dared interrupt that wonderful audacity. I began by penetrating him slowly, as James had done with Phaedra, feeling his oscillatory movements in a grandeur that as we moved, we felt free to love each other together, he on top of this fabulous woman and me above him wanting it intimately... Within seconds of switching to the second condom, I felt Fedra's invasion all over my shivering body. Wishing also for the magnitude of passion invading her bellybutton which when touched was compressed as far as my tongue could reach and triggered memories of his native country such were unrecognizable words that he raved about while James savored a tremendously wet clitoris opening its legs and pulling them up so she too might taste and enjoy the sensations of stroking her vagina and an still-virgin anal. Lying on the green mattress of herbs, I pulled it towards me so that she could taste a double penetration in such an expansive fullness that we all kissed frantically and wanted to explore each other's entire bodies lips, necks, breasts legs and arms words which were not heard already feeling a colder wind invading our thoughts but warmed by this unforgettable literary erotic game. Half asleep after that magnificent orgy, we dressed ourselves not without first looking at each other like endless characters in a theater play praising our freedom of minds and sensations. Like great friends who were still found in pubs, my home, Fedra's apartment talking infinitely laughing no more than children after a school day savoring life just as it was with no hurry nor ignoble fears. He loved us in the mentalising sense of being confident, well-disposed people with no fear for the future thinking that whatever we did would bring harm to the world and nothing or nobody could take away from our common sense of privacy because there were no secrets between male and female as if we were one entity united in this universe of transcendental nirvana... when I received news that James had been infected by the AIDS virus. Not quite understanding what had happened, I went to Phaedra and together we accompanied our friend to a doctor when we heard that endless story of desires and passions felt by James with various people without any precautions thinking other humans would be as kind and united as the three of us were. On a beautiful Sunday afternoon, with nothing to do and exhausted from being alone at home, James decided to make an incursion into a cinema that showed only pornographic films. He sat in an almost invisible chair hidden away among the most distant audience there was when he realized that next to him stood a very beautiful blonde woman of confident stature with one of her breasts outstretched masturbating herself in monstrous frenzy while another man inserted his full penis into his mouth as she sat down with open pants showing all around her thunderous sex. There was a scene in that film which showed exactly this position, without any imposition, no taboos, no words or deeper sensations when James found himself touching the woman and man who were strangers to his eyes staring into a passing storm as it... With no one else in that room, and the film with almost deafening sound, and without wasting any more time on worries, they all engaged themselves in a fatal game where there was moaning and screaming, mixed sexes, hair-pulls, full licks and endless penetrations. All of them had short orgasms followed by unknown laughter, leaving James happy to have not seen the movie, having been involved in an adventure he considered healthy, unique, After a few months, feeling somewhat recovered and already with certain spots darkening his pale face, losing weight daily, shedding small patches of his superb hair, he decided to go for some blood tests thinking that it might be anemia derived perhaps from lack of appetite or the flu which had gotten him and was no longer curable... When learning about this illness he remembered momentarily what almost depraved adventure he'd been involved in because he didn't use any contraception. While searching for those fugitives, we learned from the manager of that joint... that Romeo and Sonia were regular customers of pornographic films. They invaded reality by taking some hard drugs. Disconsolate, James knew that he would live a short time because it had not been treated in due useful time with his biological clock counting backwards as if broken and without concert. A few months later I went to find him lying on the kitchen floor fainted in opaque blood feverish and powerless...Fedra still tried to revive him but no luck passed away en route to hospital asking us for forgiveness for not having trusted our eternal advice of freedom in relative love meetings ... We still mourn for him, who was such a rich person in feelings so easy to trust so crazy and so gentle... Sitting now on this maple tree I feel his presence the smell of it an endless longing fierce that breaks my soul and body weeping over such a poor death with no meaning... And thinking about our separation as when Phaedra said goodbye to me at the airport all dressed in black not bearing the constant grief of feeling just like myself agreeing that next week I would follow her to Rome fleeing from a constant presence of lusitan tears and fate never heard ...
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