Non-erotic account

I'm going through a midlife crisis. With me it was always like this: I was only interested in the dick, it didn't matter who owned it, whether the dick was tasty, I wanted it inside me, it didn't matter if the owner was rich or poor, ugly or handsome, tall or short, bald or hairy. My males have always been called friends. I'd see the guy once I fucked him and it was "friend". I've always made a distinction for myself, I had the friend and the dick friend, but over time I became so addicted to role that I only had dick friend. I was happy like this, I fucked every day and had to have a good stock of males on the shelf. And let's be honest they're not friends at all. They just want to have sex with me, they look at me and they see a bucket that's easy to eat. Until then it's okay with them I just want their dick anyway. So what's the problem? It could be the humiliation that the males like to humiliate me, call me piranha, bitch, slut, slut, bitch, ordinary, tramp and so on. No, that's not a problem, I agree with them I'm all that and more, I get excited when I'm called that. I think the problem is me. I met people just for the role and then I got interested in the people who were behind those (wonderful) dicks. I fuck with people and spend hours talking to them after the fuck. Those people are becoming more important than the dicks. The question is, did I change because I met these people, or did I meet these people because I changed? I don't know the answer to that, but lately my erotic short stories are turning into Mexican novels, so I start writing a fuck story, and halfway through the story I find out that I'm writing about my relationship with these people. I don't know if I'm happy or sad about that. I have had problems with my husband tbm, he always encouraged me to fuck freely and does not care if I fuck with 10 guys in front of him. On the contrary, he likes me to do it. When I spoke I will go there to fuck with the guy, he encouraged, he knew that I was going after a pica and point. I practically do not have a sexual relationship with my husband. Our affinity is sentimental and spiritual and, as I approach other people sentimentally I distance myself from him and this hurts him very much. He feels alone and betrayed. A kind of sentimental and spiritual betrayal. I'm really emotionally connected to other males and I really want to get away from them, but I can't. With one I feel protected, welcomed, next to him nothing will happen to me, with another I have fun next to him I feel light. With the third it's a brotherly relationship, with him I have no secrets, he understood my soul since the day he met me. I wanted to point out to you that all three of them are married and don't think about leaving their families (I don't want to either). I'm so happy because when we are together it's worth it, it's to share secrets and enjoy the moments. I'm going through a time of anguish, my husband is sad and not in good health, I'd like to go back to being just an irresponsible, happy fuck.