Gifts: Passion, Pleasure and Sin (14)

We were sitting on the balcony. The four of us, initially silent, still immersed in the moments of intense pleasure lived before. My father and I looked at each other, we were much more comfortable, since it was not the first time that for us, intimacies and exchange of pleasures were normal in our lives, and even the participation of other partners was not new... But for Berg and his father, certainly, those moments provoked intense and decisive changes in their lives. It was natural, therefore, that they showed themselves embarrassed and uncertain about what would come next... how they would see each other.
However, the four of us had one doubtful point in common: how to conduct our relations from that point of view?
For my part, the previous experiences <unk> from the immature beginning of my sex life with my father <unk> had given me support: sensitivity and discernment; to understand that sex and love can go hand in hand <unk> that the Idea is <unk>; but they can be experienced separately, without guilt, as long as there is maturity between all involved... whether they love each other or they have sex. In this aspect, infidelity does not gain space... and loyalty is the pillar that sustains relationships. The truth, therefore, must always be on the table... clear, visible to everyone's eyes.
The silence was broken by his Olavo:
It's not right for a family man to say that, but I have to confess that I'm very afraid to go home, and look, I'm not one to shy away from problems, not really, and fear, I only remember feeling when I was inside airplanes, fear of death, actually, or how it will come to me, but right now, I can't deny that I'm feeling, just imagining that I'm going to go in and go home and have to face...
My father interrupted:
I'm sorry, Olavo... but your wife doesn't need to know what happened. When we get married, we assume a shared life, but we mustn't kill or imprison our individual life! Neither you nor she... So what happened up there can be in the domain of your individual life... Sometimes, for the good and permanence of a relationship, you have to take such an attitude...
- No... no! I don't mean this... I agree with you. And I've always done it this way. If it doesn't add up, I don't put it in play! Most of the time, in cases like this, you either don't add up... you subtract! So I leave aside...
And that's not being sincere, that's being cruel!
Well, she was shocked and, worse, very disappointed that I had remained calm in the face of Berg's statement and angry, revolted, when I disapproved of his order to withdraw from our house!
_ Well... even the first reaction, depending on the clarification of the parents and the type of relationship they establish with their children, is still understandable. After all, there is no adequate information for most people. And what reaches them is based on religious doctrines <unk> that we know, distort what is more than obvious, in favor of a <unk> law <unk> susceptible to interpretations as many religions have been formed over the years.
I added:
_ That's not to mention what people have been accumulating in their minds as the images, the examples related to gays... mainly on television: evidencing a feminine posture mixed with that of a clown... That is: it doesn't even get to be feminine! Being gay, many uninformed believe, is a sick or a jerk, or both things; who wants to be a woman and who has his life turned exclusively to sex... then, if a gay approaches a non-gay man, his interest is not in the man himself, but in the pussy he has between his legs! A gay has no other interest in life... just climbing! They don't study, they don't work, they don't pay, they don't get sick, they don't suffer, they don't have fun, they don't help their neighbor, they don't love... they don't disappoint!
Berg said:
_ But I thought so too until very recently! I only identified a gay man when he was full of freshness, spoke with those forced voices, full of twitches, walked around... I even [laughs] called him 'little woman'! And I didn't, I didn't want to talk to anyone! If a gay man approached, I flew away...
- Why?
Come on, Cadu, I thought he'd want to grab my dick and more, everyone said if he fucked a gay guy, he'd be gay too, and he'd want to dress like a woman, roll around... be the same!
- Son, if you acted like that... how did you know you were gay?
Today, Dad, I'm sure I've always been! Copmo I said, I thought being gay was being the way I saw it... full of affections! I didn't even relate feelings to those people... only sex. So, the attractions I felt for a colleague, for example, never made me associate with homosexuality! I didn't feel like being a woman, I didn't want to dress or behave like those gays I saw on TV, on the street, in college... So, I didn't even think about being gay. For me, it was normal! I just came to touch myself, when a teacher spoke about homosexuality in school... explained that there was a clear majority of gays, but it wasn't... and it wasn't a crime or an aberration of nature... but it was just a difference in the field of sexuality that was one among so many fields that still formed a human being... And they said, that's it!
Did he declare himself in the classroom, Berg?
It was Cadu. But he paid a high price for it. The students left there with this different way of looking at the gay, but they came home and commented... Because the parents didn't have that information, they automatically linked the teacher's explanation to a possible justification for his "lewdness", "promiscuity". His "sin". It was up to whoever thought he was, like "laying the groundwork" to later make the students fall for his antics, or "advertising" to attract more followers!
His Olav concluded:
And he was put on the street corner! The parents demanded! Otherwise, they would take their children away! I remember that story well! Poor man! He was an excellent craftsman! Wasn't he a son?
Po! He was the best teacher! I still remember the way he was the day he gave his last lesson. Actually, half the class, because there were some mothers in the corridor, each with their children... They would not enter while he was there! He was so humiliated, dead of shame, almost crying... He said some things and then left... and the suckers applauded! But the nice thing was that none of the children accompanied!
My father added:
_ And that's why many parents suffer when they find out that their son is gay! It's not even because of their sex lives, but because they imagine that they will go through situations like this. Raise a child with all the affection and dedication, pay for his studies thinking about his future, see his son graduate and hope for his professional success... oh, suddenly you get to know that he goes through a humiliating situation like this!? That when he is not physically assaulted! I mean: you, as a father, try in every way not to take violent attitudes during the upbringing of your son... But this bastard has the right! [...] It's difficult! It's very difficult! Not only the son suffers... All those who have love for him suffer. No father wants to see the son suffer!
And Berg took the opportunity to talk about his experience:
_ These fears, I felt all of them. You don't want to know how difficult it was to recognize me as gay. It happened from the explanations given by this teacher who declared himself in the classroom. The first thing I felt was anger from him <unk> because it seemed that the things he said were directed to me. So... as if he said those things to make me feel like a gay... without me being... you understand? Then some students were talking about people they knew and who were going through that... Then the file fell! I got dizzy! I wanted to run and hide...
Your Olavo put his hand on Berg's head, and he went on...
_ I didn't fit in... No! No! No! I don't want to! I can't! My parents will reject me... they'll be ashamed of me! My friends will hate me, curse me, isolate me... Of course! That's how we acted with each other... So I'd go through the same thing! The only way out was to hide. Create a fictitious Berg... A Berg above all suspicion <unk> that would be admired by friends, that would make parents very proud... And so I did! Only when creating this character I started to be angry with myself, and even more angry with those who were gay and were assumed. I thought like this: <unk>These bitches should all do what I do! They should know themselves, but to be gay someone who pretended to be liked by everyone! <unk> It would be easier to live!
So I thought:
_ Easier? You find it easier to live what makes others happy, but you don't?! Acting from the time you wake up until the time you go to sleep... Always worried about not giving a flag, always afraid that the mask will fall and discover who is behind it? Is it easier? In a constant anguish, as if you are about to be unmasked... Every day... Every minute... Being unhappy simply so that others are happy... Don't even think! Why does anyone have to do that? Well, well...
_ Today I think so, Cadu... But before, no! [...] Time went by and I got used to those lies... It came to the point that I myself believed the stories I told! [...] For my class, I was the catcher, the stallion... I ate all the girls... And you know what the truth was? I never ate any! I never, at least, was naked with a woman near me! There were times I would come here! [Finger pointing to the neck] And you know what hurt me more? Lying to Frank! Shit! The guy was like a brother to me... He would come to tell me secrets, to let me down... He trusted me blindly! And I...
What matters, son, is that you've built up courage and can finally be yourself! You're young, you have your whole life ahead of you! You should be proud that you've fallen into yourself and come to the conclusion that living what others want is not living!
I didn't decide that because I concluded that living that way was bullshit and should be true for me and for others...
- Will you remain locked up?
- No... what I mean is, to change the posture...
Berg turns to me and holds my hand.
To bring out the real Berg, I needed to know love. I had never felt something so strong for anyone... in fact, I had even settled for never experiencing love... but then... without my expecting it... I began to look at Cadu in a different way... and I began to feel sensations that I had never felt... or felt in a different way... it's as if a black-and-white life had become colored... and the funny thing is that it wasn't someone I knew at that moment... no! I began to see what I only saw.
Berg's eyes sparkled at mine, we all smiled, and then I brought my lips closer to his, and we exchanged a brief but affectionate kiss, and his Olavo looked at us with clear emotion, and it was in that mood that he said,
Life must go on, we must be patient and give time the time it needs to understand certain things that happen to us and that we cannot explain. If we pay attention, time gives us answers to everything!
My father, as well as Berg and I, stopped to listen to what he had to say...
- What are you talking about, Olavo?
_ About everything... about life... about me... about this moment... [Breathes deeply] Today I am, at last, having answers, explanations... at last, understanding some things that happened to me in the past... For more than twenty years, night after night, as I lay my head on the pillow I asked the same question: "Why?"... [...] Now I know!
Our attention was directed to his Olavo, he lowered his head and began:
I was born in Cachoeira dos Braga, at that time it wasn't a municipality, it was a village, maybe a district.
My father interrupted him:
I lived on a farm there, but it was already a municipality, but I wasn't born there, we lived there for a while, my whole family, and then we came here.
When I was born, it wasn't a municipality, then it became an independent municipality.
Berg, can't wait for you.
- Keep going, Dad!
Well, I used to date your mother, but I was pretty young, I must have been about fifteen, it was customary to date and get married early, dating was very closely watched, there was no chance of intimacy, so to put an end to all that talk, we ended up getting married soon.
So, Dad, you married to climb... it wasn't for love!
In some cases, it was.
My father came in...
- I think it was both!
It's true... it was both! [...] But we - your mother and I - didn't talk about marriage... I felt that something was missing, you know? Always that feeling of incompleteness... of emptiness... I don't know! One night, as I left her house and was walking towards mine, a rain began... In a matter of seconds, this rain thickened, in the sky... strong lightning... one after another! The thunder seemed to announce that the world was ending... And my house was still far away. I looked to the side and saw the old house of Pereira.
My father said:
It was an abandoned mansion, falling to pieces... no doors, no windows...
Exactly. It was this very house! [...] I ran into it! I needed shelter... I wasn't completely wet yet! [...] If outside the house it was that closed, dark time... Imagine inside it! I stood very close to the door. Boy, I got a scare! The biggest scare of my life! I heard: <unk>What rain, heim?<unk>
We all laughed.
When I looked... there was a boy, sitting in a corner like this... near the window opening. I couldn't see straight, but he laughed towards that silhouette... and then, he stood up. That's when I could see him, because the window opening now allowed it! He had darker skin than me, the same height more or less as me... Finally, he approached, extended his hand... I responded... and we started talking.
- And you didn't recognize him?
_ No. I had never seen him. [...] In the course of those moments, a whirlwind of things was happening inside me... Little by little we were getting closer... But nothing was intentional! We were laughing, we were talking things as if we had known each other since we were boys... It was a very crazy thing... Suddenly, we were kissing and rolling on that floor full of dust and dry leaves... And the rain was falling... And the rain was falling... The kiss was getting warmer, we were breathing deeply... When I woke up, I felt the cold wind on my butt... We were naked. I don't need to tell you what happened, right?
I said:
You've never had sex before?
_ It was my first and most beautiful affair! [...] It looks like something from a movie! We enjoyed it together: me, him and the sky! The thunder and the lightning manifested as if it were a celebration for that moment. I never forgot!
- And then what, Dad?
Then we both didn't know what to do... We were silent. I put on my clothes... he did too. We looked at each other and I was leaving... with rain and all... when he grabbed me by the arm. Another strong kiss rolled. We went each to one side. But he went with me... in the heart. [...] The next day, without having arranged anything, we returned to the old house... and everything repeated itself. And in the following days... and in the following months... For two years that place was ours.
My father asked:
- For two years, Olavo?
- I did.
- And always the same ritual: they had sex, they left... without knowing anything about each other?
_ No! From the third meeting we were already talking. And we were not restricted to that place, no! We started walking together... We were, in the eyes of others, good friends. But to fuck... we went there. [...] Like every couple, the arguments were arising... but nothing that left us without talking to each other... We never said goodbye upset. We solved everything before. It was too perfect!
- What about the girlfriend?
We had sex for a month, then I broke up, it was a mess, she wouldn't take it, my parents were looking for me, she got sick, she suffocated.
- And what happened to make the story end?
When we had been dating for two years, we decided to leave without leaving a trace. We wanted to live our love without fears, without worries. I felt exactly as Berg felt: fear of disappointing my parents. With my friends I didn't worry... but with my parents it was torture! Especially with my mother. She only talked about having grandchildren! When I heard that, it was like sticking a knife in my chest...
- And they ran away?
So we started planning, and he and I made a lot of money, and I sold some of my valuables, which I certainly wouldn't give away, and he did the same, and we spent weeks studying step by step, we just didn't plan the final location, and that would be a matter of luck, until the date came.
- And won the world!?
The day before, he handed me a little box and told me not to open it, not at all, not to open it until we got to a place where we decided to live.
Your Olavo stopped, took a deep breath and went on...
_ I wanted us to leave with the knowledge of our parents... Logical, without them knowing our destination and the reason for the trip. I thought to invent a lie, like: we would say that we were going to place <unk>X<unk>, but in fact our destination was <unk>Y<unk>. You know?!? But he did not agree! All right... I accepted! We marked the place to meet us: a supply stop that was at the exit of the municipality... There were several bus stops... both to other municipalities and to other states. But, we would first try to get some truck driver to drive us. There was a crazy movement of trucks going and coming.
Crazy young people in love! (Laughter) I commented.
But his madness, Cadu, was greater!
- What do you mean?
_ The time we had arranged came... Nothing! Two hours passed from the time we had arranged and I began to despair... I struggled not to accept that he had tricked me...; But what could I think? I was so disappointed... Three hours later, I decided to return home... But. Despite being a bit far, I decided to walk and think about everything we had lived... I was crying... That dark asphalt seemed to have no end. That was when I saw some people, policemen... There! I approached and realized that it was an accident. It was a truck... It was shattered... It looked like a harmonica. And the front... that is the strongest part of the vehicle, half of it, was inside the cabin...
Berg said:
After carrying a canoe, to see such a tragedy... no one deserves it!
_ The driver had already been picked up, but the policemen were making markings on the asphalt for the examination. I heard one policeman tell another that he had just arrived, that it was a young man... So and so... My eyes darkened... The description matched exactly his. That's when I looked, from the side, and saw his backpack. I looked at one policeman and asked: <unk> Where was he taken? To what hospital? Was he badly injured? Where were they taking him... I know him!<unk>. And the answer was like a shot: <unk> He died before the rescue arrived!<unk>. There I myself fell. I woke up with my mother next to me... in a hospital! I didn't even see the body... I knew everything except where he lived!
Berg said:
What was his name?
His Olavo sobbed... and the answer came interspersed with tears... from my father's mouth:
- It was Ignatius!
His Olavo looked frightened at my father, and Berg and I did the same.
Olavo... Ignatius was my brother! It was after his death that we came to this city. That tragedy was too painful... My parents almost die! After about five years I became an orphan! My parents died without knowing what had really happened! We never imagined that! Never! Only now am I learning that he was gay... and why he was on that road.
And the crying took over the environment... my father, hugging his Olavo, said:
In a way, I'm glad to know that before he left, he loved and was loved!
To this day, I can say that I have only known love with him.
Then my father took his Olavo to his room and went to show some pictures he kept of his brother.
They were still upstairs when Frank arrived with my sister, and I was sitting on the couch, and Berg was lying with his head on my lap, and Frank had already entered the brothel.
I've been here for I don't know how long and I don't have these freedoms!
My sister added:
Look, it takes a lot of courage to trade one of those cats for that brute!
Who's a brute here, unless it's your husband project?
I said:
It wasn't enough to have two, now one more for the ass-wipers!
Frank , what are you doing ?
- You all right, Cadu?
- All in peace!
- Where's the squealer?
Before I could answer, they were coming down... my sister looked at them and said:
What's the matter with you?
I'll talk to you later, Olavo is leaving.
Your Olavo kissed everyone and said to Frank:
Frank, in light of recent events, I think it's best to arrange for other sponsors.
You're cold, Olavo, but I don't need you.
- Ah... about that, I give my word!
Berg said:
- Your blessing, father!
- May God make them happy!
My father came up quietly... and Berg said:
I'll tell the boys everything!
My sister agreed:
- Come on Cadu, he's opening up to you!
Frank , what are you doing ?
- People, let's go to the house, Berg will tell us...
And I was like,
- Go, then I'll go there.
They left and I went upstairs.
- My father?
- I'm on my way, son!
The bell rang.
It must be Nildo, he left the keys to the garage.
It was him!
- How are you, Nildo?
Is your father there?
- Taking a shower.
I came to ask if I could take a shower here.
Use the bathroom in the kitchen... that's where my dad takes a bath to get rid of all that grease...
My father came down.
- Was that him?
He's taking a shower in the back.
My dad went towards the bathroom and I went after him...
- Nildo... the box is dry?
- It dried up!
- That bomb's got a problem!
My father grabbed a beer and sat in the kitchen chair.
- Sit here on your father's lap!
- Dad, what's the story?
Get a towel for Nildo.
He's got a hard-on now.
- Where are the boys?
- They are! [Laughter]
- Get the towel!
I went up and called Frank:
- Frank, don't say my name and then erase the record...
He disguising...
- Speak up father!
It's been a long time, don't come until I call, okay?
We're waiting for your aunt to arrive.
- It was worth it, brother-in-law.
Nildo was putting his head out the door.
- Get the towel, Cafucio!
Cafucio, is it?
My father laughed and said:
It's a cafuzu that makes him groan without feeling pain, isn't it, Nildo?
And why should I fill my hand with callousness, only by killing myself in the hand!
- Even I'll be like this, boy! My whore got married!
What's the matter with you, this pig's going to have an owner?
- It's his ass!
You know I'm not going to settle for one roll!
My father said to Nildo:
_ Grab a deer, man and let's do his bachelor party up there! [Rhyme]
- Whoa!
Get up there, Cadu, and you and your cafuzu, and I'll lock everything up.
I ran upstairs and Nildo came after me...
Don't leave us in the lurch, come and suck my dick.
I love that roll!
I took Nildo's dick and put it in my mouth.
- Oh, that's some good fucking sucking!
Bad Dad came into the room, left the bathroom light on and turned off the bedroom light.
- Dad, just sit on Nildo's belly... leave the two pikes pointing at me...
I started sucking the two rolls... swallowing one, swallowing another... Nildo asked my father...
_ Throw your ass in my face!
Bad dad got all cocky with his ass on Nildo's face... and he was sucking, sucking... and I spit on his roll and sat down... and I took my dad's poop and started sucking.
Suck daddy's ass and fuck me with it!
Put your tongue in it, Nildo... suck my sweet ass!
We were like that for a while, and then I said,
- Dad, eat the Nildo!
What about Nildo?
Your father's whip is half broken!
- Yes, he is!
Nildo stood for four and I stood behind him. His face was directed out of the bed. My father stood in front of him and soon Nildo grabbed his roll to suck. My father put his hands up to his ass and wincing, left his ass wide open for me to brush a few times. It was crazy!
Hey, Caduceus, stick your tongue up my asshole, stick your tongue up my crotch.
Blink that asshole, Nildo, that asshole is asking for a roll.
My father opened his ass more and more and slapped him... which made Nildo capricious about sucking on his daddy's dick!
He likes his tongue on the reel, motherfucker! Suck my dick! Shove your ass in my son's face! What does that asshole want, huh?
Get in there, Cadu, get in there!
- Eat that motherfucker, son!
My father took his hand to Nildo's mouth:
- Spit it out!
And he took the saliva up his ass... stuck two fingers...
And you, Nildo, keep sucking my pigeon!
I put the roller in Nildo's little hole and pushed...
Take it easy.
What a tasty ass Nildo!
I'm not going anywhere.
Nildo asked my father:
_ Turn your back and lift one leg... let me suck your ass!
_ You like sucking my ass, do you, punk?
I like it, I like it, I like it.
Do you want a strong one? Suck my father's ass!
I like that little taste of ass! Delicious!
Turn around, Nildo, turn your ass around so Daddy can fuck you!
My father stood outside the bed, Nildo turned his ass to him, I went over to him, I spat in his crotch and he pointed.
- Come on over here, Cadu, it's all right.
I went behind Dad and aimed at the roll.
For a little son!
Nildo asked:
- Shove that dick up my ass!
My father started to eat Nildo and I went in the same rhythm ... it was a groan only ... I was immediately in the mood to make fun and Nildo asked:
It's in my mouth!
And I was like,
- Oh, my God!
My father announced at the same time as Nildo and I asked:
- I want the gala for both of you!
I sat on the floor and they pointed the rollers at my mouth.
It's not like I don't know what I'm doing.
- There you go, son. - There you go.
We went to take a shower and in the bathroom, my father made the invitation:
Nildo, I was thinking Cadu and Berg will stay in the next room you don't want to come and live here with me, do you?
- Is that true?
- Of course man!
- Of course I want to!
After the wedding, you can come, but for all intents and purposes...
I said:
All right, I'll have three partners at home, when I get sick, I'll jump from one to the other.
[ Laughs ]