The Awakening of Suzan - Chapter 9

These events occur immediately after the end of chapter 8. Chapter 9 <unk> A night of the different girls As the night progressed, the atmosphere in the room became more and more relaxed. The sound of laughter filled the room, and I felt surprisingly calm despite everything. The girls had brought a variety of delicious snacks: cheeses, toast, pies and fresh salads. The white wine that Carla had opened circulated freely between us, making the conversation even more loose and relaxed. "This olive pâté is amazing!" <unk> I commented, chewing on a toast with enthusiasm. <unk> "Who brought it?" "It was Renata", Natalya replied. "She has impeccable taste in such things". Renata, modest as always, gave a shy smile. "Oh, it's simple. I bought it at a delicatessen near my house". While we were eating and drinking, the focus of the conversation began to shift from advertising campaigns and tight deadlines to talking about more personal, light-hearted topics, as if the environment were asking for it. It didn't take long for Carla, always direct and straightforward, to ask the question that seemed to be on everyone's mind. <unk>Suzan, I need to ask you something...<unk> <unk> Carla started, taking a sip of her wine before continuing. <unk> <unk> You're an amazing, beautiful, successful woman... but we've never heard you talk about your love life or... sex life. Don't you think it's time to share a little more with us?<unk> The comment caused everyone in the room to pause for a moment, looking at me curiously. The atmosphere became slightly more intimate, and I felt a slight warmth rise up my cheeks. "Oh, Carla, you and your curiosity!" <unk> I tried to joke, laughing a little nervously. <unk> "Well... it's not that I don't have anything to share. It's just that, in fact, I've never felt comfortable talking about it much". Barbara, sitting next to me, leaned forward, visibly interested. "You're in a safe environment, Susan. Among friends. You can talk". I took a deep breath, feeling the weight of the attention focused on me. "Well... if you want to know, I've only had two boyfriends". The silence that followed was unexpected. They all looked at me, blinking in surprise. It was as if they were processing information. It was Natalia who broke the silence first. "Two? What do you mean, only two?" she asked, genuinely surprised. Carla shook her head, puzzled. "Suzan, you're simply stunning!" Seriously, I figured you'd already left several hearts along the way. Renata, ever more reserved, smiled and added: "You don't have to have many boyfriends to be happy, of course, but... it's really surprising. I mean, look at you. Red hair, perfect skin, blue eyes... you have a natural beauty that attracts attention from miles away". I blushed even more. Their words were a mixture of surprise and admiration, but they also made me a little uncomfortable. I was not used to that kind of praise, especially when the focus was so much on my appearance. Barbara, who always had a more analytical view of things, smiled in a friendly way and added: "I always thought you were one of those people who only needed to blink to win someone over. The way you behave at work, so confident, so focused... I kind of assumed that your love life was as intense as your professional life". <unk> I was so focused on my studies and work that... I kind of put that side of life on the back burner.<unk> <unk> I admitted, giving a slight smile as I ran my fingers through my hair, nervously. <unk> <unk> Sure, I had my moments, but... it was never something I prioritized.<unk> Carla, always the most expansive, made an exaggerated gesture with her hands. "Oh, for God's sake, Suzan! You're beautiful, powerful, and with that incredible body... Look, you're sitting here, naked, and yet it looks like it was sculpted by an artist! If I had your physique, I don't think I'd want to wear clothes ever again". I laughed, trying to lighten the mood. "It's not like that, Carla. I also have my insecurities, like everyone else". Natalia nodded, still with a slight expression of disbelief. "I understand that work and studies can consume us, but seriously... two boyfriends? With that body, that face... Suzan, you're kind of the definition of perfection!" The compliments continued, and although I felt flattered, they also made me a little uncomfortable. It was not common for me to be the center of attention in this way, especially when it came to my personal life and, in particular, my physical appearance. Of course, I knew that I was always getting looks around, but I always preferred to focus on other things. To stand now, naked, in front of my colleagues, and to be the object of so much praise, was both embarrassing and, in a way, revealing. Renata, the more thoughtful of the group, looked at me with a sympathetic smile. "You know, Suzan, it doesn't matter how many relationships you've had. What matters is that you're living your life in a way that makes sense to you. But if one day you want to explore that side more... well, you have every right to do that too". The atmosphere became lighter again, and everyone laughed together, and I felt a little bit more comfortable, although there was still a part of me that felt exposed, not just physically, but emotionally as well, and we were breaking barriers that night, not just in terms of conversation, but in terms of vulnerability. "Thank you, girls. I know I may not have the experience you were hoping for, but... I'm happy with who I am. And who knows what the future holds, right?" she said, winking, trying to keep her tone light. The conversation moved on to other topics, but I could still sense their curiosity about me, as if they were trying to understand how someone they saw as so attractive and secure could have such a simple personal life. As the evening progressed, the wine and laughter flowed, and I allowed myself to enjoy that moment, even though I was still naked, feeling more accepted and comfortable with who I was. As the laughter continued to flow and the wine seemed to relax the atmosphere between us more and more, I found myself reflecting on the conversation that had just taken place, the girls were there, open, having fun, and suddenly I felt that there was something more that I should share, something that I had always kept to myself, even out of shame or because I thought it didn't belong to who I was in the professional world, but now, with all of them looking at me with such curiosity and at the same time accepting me, I felt that it was time. I took a long sip of my wine, as if I needed that impulse to speak, and I put the glass on the table and took a deep breath, feeling the weight of what I was about to say. "Well, since we're talking about personal life... I think there's something I've never told anyone", I began, a little hesitantly. All four of them stopped talking, their attention completely turned to me. It was one of those moments where it seemed that even time stopped. "You know I've had two boyfriends, and we were talking about it, but the truth is... even with them, my sex life was almost non-existent". The silence that followed was palpable. The girls stared at each other, as if trying to process what I had just confessed. I could see the surprise on their faces, and then Carla, as always, was the first to break the silence. "What do you mean, Susan?" "Nonexistent?" "That's... I mean, how did that happen?" She seemed genuinely surprised, almost shocked. Yeah, Carla, I don't really know how to explain it, but I've never really felt comfortable exploring that part of my life, with my two boyfriends, we've... well, we've had sex very rarely. "Very few?" Barbara repeated, her eyes wide. "Man, how many times are we talking?" I smiled nervously, feeling my face turn red again. <unk> With the first boyfriend, I think it was about... three times? And with the second, no more than five. <unk> The expression of surprise increased noticeably. Renata, ever more restrained, looked at me as if trying to understand what was behind it. Natalya, who had a more direct approach, seemed really confused. <unk> Wait a minute...<unk> <unk> said Natalia, shaking her head in disbelief. <unk> <unk> Are you saying that in all these years, during two relationships, you had sex... eight times in total? How is that possible? I mean, look at you! Suzan, you're beautiful, smart, confident... I... really don't understand.<unk> Carla laughed, but not in an evil way. It was more a laugh of surprise, maybe even of disbelief. <unk>And here I thought that you had a line of guys knocking on your door and... you practically had no sex life! That's... unexpected, to say the least.<unk> I sighed and gave a slight smile, trying to ease the tension a little bit. I know it sounds strange. But it's true. I've always focused so much on my studies and my career that... I don't think I've ever paid much attention to it. And when I tried... well, the truth is I didn't feel connected enough with them to really... let go. Renata, always the most understanding, nodded. "I think I understand, Suzan. Sometimes, if you're not really connected to someone or you feel that there's something missing, it can be difficult to give yourself completely. Maybe that's what happened". "Yeah, maybe that's it", I agreed. "I felt close to them in other ways, but the sexual part... it seemed like I could never relax enough. I think in a way I always kept that part of myself tucked away, like it wasn't a priority. I was always more focused on other things". Carla shook her head, still shocked. "Wow, Suzan. It's not just because you're beautiful, but I never imagined that you had... how can I say? Such a... controlled sex life. I thought you were super resolved in this matter, you know?" I laughed, finally feeling a little more comfortable talking about it. "It's funny, because everyone always assumes that just because you look good, it automatically means that you have an active and amazing sex life. But it wasn't the case for me. I was so focused on proving myself at work, on standing out, that it was always secondary to me". Natalia, who still seemed puzzled, leaned forward. "But you... you never wanted more? I mean, you never felt that something was missing? Or... that you wanted to explore that part of you more?" I thought for a moment, choosing my words carefully. "I think so, Natalie. I mean, now that I'm more established in my career and my life is a little bit more stable, maybe I'll start thinking about it. But at the time, I didn't miss it. I think I always put so much pressure on myself to be successful that I didn't give myself the space to explore it". Renata smiled gently. "Maybe it's time, then. You've worked so hard to get where you are...maybe now is the time for you to give yourself permission to experience more things, both in your personal and professional life". I smile, grateful for their understanding. "Maybe yes. Who knows? Maybe it's time for me to explore that part of my life more". "I think you should", said Barbara, blinking. "You're beautiful, Susan. And if I were you, I'd take advantage of that. The world is full of possibilities!" The conversation went on for some time, and despite the girls' initial surprise, I felt relieved that I had finally shared something that I had always held dear. It wasn't easy to talk about, but at the same time, it was liberating. I knew that I had friends who accepted me and understood me, and that somehow made me feel more confident about what the future might bring. And who knows, maybe that was really the time for me to start exploring more of the side of life that I've always left out.